Thursday, October 27, 2005

Admitting My Mistakes

I recently read a couple of blog entries in which Garrett (Garrett) made a public apology for one stupid thing or another. It appeared that he received some level of personal satisfaction, relief or joy out of making such public apology, so I thought, "HEY, I would really like to get some level of personal satisfaction, relief or joy..." so, I decided to give it a try. I can only cover a few of my mistakes here...but you can be assured there are many more:

1. As it turns out, Hairy Prison Guard is not Richard Simmons. I have admitted my mistake to him and would like to extend a full fledged apology right here and right now. Hairy, I apologize for mistaking you for Richard Simmons. Hairy has established his own blog. Unlike the Poop On Rosenblatt blog
(Poop On Rosenblatt) , I had nothing to do with the Hairy Prison Guard blog (Stories From a Hairy Prison Guard). I encourage you to visit that site, but do not feel like you need to cry.

2. I apologize to Linda Maloney...just in case she is real and not a creation of Crusher and his sick friends. Linda, I am sorry.
(Linda Maloney)

3. Everything that Dr. Phil says is wrong, I have done at one time or another during my lifetime. Dr. Phil, I am sorry.

4. Damning Erin for withholding information regarding the shoe and the clamp. Erin, I am sorry.

5. For 30+ years of chronic "self stimulation", I apologize to all of the models appearing in the JC Penney catalogue. (JCPenney). I am sorry JC Penney underwear model ladies, you are more than mere sex objects for my personal gratification - you are also excellent marketing techniques for women's undergarments.

6. I would like to apologize for being passive aggressive at times. To those people to whom I have been passive aggressive, I am sorry - you probably know who you are - although, as I told all of my friends behind your backs, you people should take some responsibility for this since it isn't all my fault and it is really your failings that are causing the problem. Anyway, I am sorry - sort of . But, come to think of it, those people sort of piss me off...

7. For all of you that drive too slowly for me when I am going to work - I apologize for flipping you off. Especially that one time that my secretary was on the interstate in front of me, driving slowly, and I didn't recognize her until after I had flipped her off. For that I am sorry.

8. I'm sorry for being drunk...but that's how I roll.

9. Michael J - you know who you are - I thought you were guilty for fondling those boys. The jury said I was wrong and, therefore, I apologize.

10. In one post, I accidentally typed "your" when I meant "you're." I corrected it and tried to cover it up after someone pointed it out to me. I was so humiliated. For being deceptive and covering up my error, I apologize.

I think 10 apologies are enough for one night. I really feel like this has been a growing experience. These public apologies are so liberating.

Please note that I am not sorry for using "Rosenblatt" as a euphemism for "poop."


Blogger Hairy Prison Guard provided this enlightening comment...

Thank you for encouraging people to visit my site. I forgive you for the Richard Simmons thing. I know it's hard for some men to admit to having emotions or being sensitive.

This outpouring of regret that you did here on your blog in this post is very touching. I am crying a little right now. See, I'm not afraid to admit it. I hope you still respect me.

11:04 PM, October 27, 2005  
Blogger Dongley Shlongford provided this enlightening comment...

I once mistakenly drew a map of Indonesia when I was going for French Polynesia. It may not seem like much to you, but try it sometime, and you'll appreciate the mistake.

I believe I also yelled out: "UUUGH!" during the exercise.

6:30 AM, October 28, 2005  
Anonymous Garrett provided this enlightening comment...


7:03 AM, October 28, 2005  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

"Panties" - Hah, Bizzarro Garrett, you are a hoot! You keep us in stitches with your lively banter about pee pee and poop - you rascal, you.

11:04 AM, October 28, 2005  
Blogger Linda Maloney provided this enlightening comment...

eye think its sooo sweet how everybodie is appolojising these daze111 I just luv when peeple git along!!! it makes me feel al moyst in side! thanks you for feeling that im a reel persan111 :)

2:19 PM, October 28, 2005  
Blogger Frank Tocci provided this enlightening comment...

Flamingo has got to be the cutest name ever!!! I wish I would've thought of it. Do you really wear pink and ride a motorcycle? OMG, that is soooo hot!

4:25 PM, October 28, 2005  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

I do. Actually the shirt is black..but the logo is pink. I'll post pictures of it soon. The other good gang colors (Blue, Red, etc.) were already taken and since my motorcycle club is very comfortable with their sexuality, we aren't afraid to wear the pink. Badass.

4:29 PM, October 28, 2005  
Blogger jennifer starfall provided this enlightening comment...

thank you for not apologizing to kristen in MA.

i enjoyed your reply to her "i'm so grossed out because i'm a vegetarian!" comment. why did she read it?

1:45 PM, November 04, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous provided this enlightening comment...

Where did you find it? Interesting read »

2:41 AM, March 16, 2007  

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