Sunday, March 19, 2006

The PCH - Chapter 7

Saturday, July 10, 2004
Golden Gate Bridge to Guernville, CA

After crossing the Golden Gate Bridge, we head through Sausalito and bear west toward Muir Woods. The sun is making its way toward the hilly horizon as we climb the switchbacks and twists and turns of the PCH as it heads toward Muir Beach. Unfortunately, the horizon that the sun is making its way towards is directly in our line of sight. The next several miles we ride nearly blind until we reach the top of the rocky hills that block the valley from the vast expanse of the Pacific Ocean.

The sun is finally out of our eyes and we bear to the right, heading again due north. We are on what I refer to as a "hogback." On our right the shoulder of the road gives way to what appears to be a couple hundred feet steep slope down into a valley. On our left is a similar steep slope down to the sea.

The 15 miles from Sausalito, CA to Stinson Beach, CA (SEE MAP) is a series of hairpin curves and steep grades - all with the ocean far below. It is slow, laborious, exhilirating, gorgeous, nerve-wracking and blissfully free. But it soaks up valuable daylight. When we take a break to snap a few pictures, Smitty voices some regret at coming this way instead of the more direct route up CA101. But this route stays true to our original goal and the landscape is more than worth the effort. Two of the three pictures in this section were taken during this rest stop.

Finally, we dip down toward sea level as we enter into the town of Stinson Beach. Smitty is in the lead as we roll into this small beach community. As the speed limit dips down to 30 miles per hour, I notice a large white goose walking down the side of Highway 1. He seems to be minding his own business. But as Smitty passes by, I watch as he lunges toward his legs - just missing giving Smitty a nip and probably just missing getting his head torn off.

It occurs to me that I have to pass this mean son-of-a-bitch. With traffic coming in the other direction, I have little choice. I gun it a little as I pass this angry wandering water-fowl and lift my legs off the footpegs to make it that much more difficult for him to get a taste of the Pink Flamingos. I hate birds...

It is nearly 7:00 by the time we complete this stretch of road. Less than 20 miles in distance takes us almost 45 minutes to cover. When the signs say Sharp Curve Speed Limit 15 MPH - they aren't kidding.

The plan is to overnight in Bodega Bay. Bodega Bay is the small California town in which Alfred Hitchcock filmed the movie, The Birds. The Birds was filmed in 1963 and is a terrifying story in which all of the birds (sea gulls, crows, etc.) begin to attack and kill humans. If you haven't seen it, it is certainly worth a rental.

We have already nearly been attacked by one bird and Bodega Bay isn't finished extracting its pound of flesh from the Flamingos. We finally roll into Bodega Bay as the sun's last rays fizzle in the far western Pacific waters to find exactly two hotels in town. One of those hotels is closed. The other hotel has a room for us if we want to spend $300 and stay in a luxurious romantic suite.

Now, I like Smitty, don't get me wrong. He is a handsome man although less dreamy than Brad Pitt he is more dreamy than Ernest Borgnine. BUT, I was not up for spending $300 for a romantic setting.

Exhausted, dejected and concerned about finding a place to roost, the Flamingos leave Bodega Bay and continue north. We pass through Salmon Creek - Nothing. We pass through Jenner - nothing but a B&B that is closed for the night and a cheesy roadside gas station with two pumps.

I need gas (see, Jungle Jane, we do stop for fuel!) and we want to find directions to a motel, so we stop. Flaming1 waits patiently for me as I go through the motions to pay for the fuel. I pull out the pump handle, insert it into the tank and begin pumping. I'm immediately irritated by a greasy feel to the pump nozzle and an unusual odor - but I pump a little bit more and bitch to Smitty, "Shit, this nozzle is greasy, what's up with this thing?"

Upon my inquiry, Smitty looks up and says to me, "Holy shit, it's diesel!"

If you are familiar with auto mechanics, I am stating the obvious. But if you are unfamiliar with auto mechanics, pumping diesel into a gasoline tank is a bad thing. It's thick, oily and has an entirely different chemical makeup and certainly a different octane rating. As of that moment, I had .998 gallons of that shit in my 5.6 gallon tank.

I probably should have stopped and drained the tank right there, but it was dark, we were in the middle of nowhere, I didn't have many tools and I was damn tired. So, I topped it off with Premium, poured in a bottle of octane booster and hit the ignition.

It sputtered, it smoked, it gagged and rumbled, but it ran. Flaming1, I am soooo sorry!

The gas station attendant was not overly helpful, but he did inform us that our best bet for a room would be to head inland from Jenner and possibly inland as far as Santa Rosa. This was quite a bit of backtracking, so we were not thrilled about it, but we headed inland along the Russian River.

It was too dark to enjoy the views along the Russian River and, since Flaming1 was threatening to cough up a lung and die at any moment, we raced along as quickly as we could. We stopped briefly at three or four roadside motels - but found nothing until we rolled into Guernville, California.

Finally, in Guernville, we found a motel with a vacancy sign. The name on the sign in front of this motel read "The New Dynamic Inn." It struck me that this motel did not appear either new nor dynamic. Additionally I wondered whether there might be an "Old Dynamic Inn." I was too tired to resolve any of these questions that night and they remain unresolved today. A future opportunity.

We checked in to our room and our attention turned toward sustinence.

Guernville, as it turns out, is one of the gayest towns I have ever been in. Within the three block walk from the New Dynamic Inn to the city center (2 restaurants and some closed shops), we ran into several men in drag and rowdy bands of drunken men out for the evening. And then there was Smitty and me - wearing leather and assless chaps (of course they were assless - otherwise they would have been pants). Hmmm...well, at least we fit in.

The first restaurant had a giant neon rainbow above the doorway - I did not write down the name of the place, but it did not look like anyone in this place was actually eating (food). So, we decided on the second option - a quaint neighborhood pizza restaurant. Smitty and I settled into a table while a little musical trio tuned and set up their instruments - a piano, a bass and some xylophone type instrument. We ordered pizza and a couple of beers and let out a big sigh of relaxation - finally we were settled in, getting food and knew where we were sleeping later.

The musicians began to play and it was very pleasant and it took our minds off the wait for the pizza. When the pizza arrived, we dived in. Nothing like beer and pizza at the end of a long day riding and the accompanying stress of pumping diesel into your tank. I leaned back, took a draw from my icy cold beer and glanced around the room. Oddly enough, there must have been 20 tables in this place and each table was occupied by - two men...including ours.

I leaned in to whisper to Smitty, "I have some bad news and some good news for you."

"What's the bad news."

"Tonight, we are a gay couple." I laughed as I gestured with raised brows at the rest of the room.

He glanced around and asked, "What's the good news?"

To which I simply responded, "There really isn't any, but I wanted to stay optimistic."

We finished our pizza and headed back to the New Dynamic Inn (where I am certain the innkeeper was also certain of our couple status), closed and locked the door behind us.

What happens in Guernville, stays in Guernville.

51 Comments:

Blogger Bloodgood provided this enlightening comment...

Flamingo to Smitty-
"I wish I could quit you"
Sorry, it had to be said.

11:18 PM, March 19, 2006  
Anonymous kagemusha provided this enlightening comment...

Nice post. It's nice to see the PCH chronicles back up and running (rather than sputtering along as Flaming1 is at the moment). Now I don't want to ruin the ending, but Flaming1 pulls through. She's a tough old girl.

Hey bloodgood, your blog doesn't allow comments from those of us not registered, but I wanted to chime in and say keep up the swing dancing. It's tons of fun. (I shared this with your brother in law and asked him to forward you a note of encouragement--but he was kind of pissy after the Iowa upset).

And Flamingo, yes I really am at work at this time in the morning (do early morning, bleary eyed, sleep deprived billable hours cost the client the same as refreshed and awake billable hours?)

4:22 AM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger The Phoenix provided this enlightening comment...

Beautiful landscapes, dangerous curves, old motels, and gay bars...what an adventure!

I think I figured out why they named the motel "Dynamic" though. They could've been more specific and named it "Mega-Gay."

5:59 AM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger The Velvet Fog provided this enlightening comment...

See, you are the Black Widows and you just didn't know it. They were the gayest biker gang around.
Keep it rollin'.

6:29 AM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

I prefer to think of us as the most "effeminate heterosexual" biker gang around.

7:15 AM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Pinky, this is going to have to wait until I get home. Hopefully I can fit you in sometime during the afternoon, but I am not sure.

This day is a horrible one for me.

PDD

7:47 AM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Oh and you are very manly.

7:47 AM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

It's amazing what Denny knows. Pinky, if you want, go to his blog and read the comments begining with my first one. I tell ya, Denny is filled with knowlege. I still can't get over the fact that he knows this. You can visit him at: http://djshane.blogspot.com/

10:45 AM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

knowledge.

10:46 AM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

That is pretty sexy Pinky.

That grease would have drove me crazy. I can't stand any grease on my hands. Like I said before, I wash my hands often. Too often. Again, that would have drove me nuts!

The only problem I have with the PCH Chronicles is that I get jealous. I am dying to get away. It just sounds so beautiful and so much fun. I want to go.

When are you taking this biker trip again? I realize I have just asked after saying "I want to go" I am not asking this question as a hint I'd like to come with you. As you and I, and everyone else knows that is not possible. So, it's an honest question that does not require any sarcasm. So, when are you taking this biker trip again? Seriously.

12:24 PM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

I will not likely take this trip again for a while - but I am planning others. I have several day/2day trips around Arizona that I am planning VERY soon. Photos and details will follow.

12:27 PM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

You seem like you know how to have a blast! As people get older they lose that side of themselves. You certainly don't seem to have lost anything. I love that! So much! I would die before I could allow myself to lose that sense of adventure. Technically I should be dead now. I haven't done anything adventerous in a long time. I need adventure to sustain some sense of sanity.

I am hoping to land a job that allows vacation time. Provided I am paid a livable wage, I would have to skip town and go wild. Seriously.
(I will probably end up getting myself killed. Don't worry, if I ever die, you will know about it. Genet would have to post it on his blog.)

2:19 PM, March 20, 2006  
Blogger jungle jane provided this enlightening comment...

fuel at last. i was starting to worry.

so. as a gay man - tell me Flamingo - did you wear your popcorn undies? or did you have something leather?

3:21 AM, March 21, 2006  
Blogger Dongley Shlongford provided this enlightening comment...

I think I feel a drawing coming on.

7:25 AM, March 21, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

Jane, I am glad you are still alive. I heard Australia was hit by some bad storms including tornadoes.

Do they spin the other way in Australia???

I believe there may have been times during the ride that I wore the popcorn undies...I just can't recall whether I had them at that time.

7:31 AM, March 21, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Yes. I heard about the bad storms in Australia and the first person I thought of was the greatest rock star of all time - Janey.

7:34 AM, March 21, 2006  
Blogger Shannon provided this enlightening comment...

Great pics as always...*Jealous Look*... =P

8:59 AM, March 21, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Pinky, have you seen phonenix's post "project serpo?" It's very interesting. I am going to do some further reading on it tonight.

3:12 PM, March 21, 2006  
Anonymous San Diego lodging provided this enlightening comment...

You blog sure gets quite a few comments. I'm going to read thru your posts and see why you are generating so much interest. Bye. Ms. San Diego lodging

1:09 AM, March 22, 2006  
Blogger garrett provided this enlightening comment...

Garrett = 0
Spam = 1

8:54 PM, March 22, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Okay, so I guess we all should expect you to post once a week.

I will check in next week.

PDD

2:13 PM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger jungle jane provided this enlightening comment...

Thank you for your concern. I am the storm. I rain on tornados.

the storm was up north - they get a lot of them. i was warm and dry in my nice house down south. i sent the disaster relief a blanket and some tins of baked beans...

3:42 PM, March 25, 2006  
Blogger garrett provided this enlightening comment...

i have seen a lot of people wearing assless pants on motorcycles the past few days

the PCH Chronicles must be very inspiring

I bet Chapter 8 will be really good.

11:03 AM, March 26, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Garrett, I think Chapter eight will make it's appearence next week. Until then, happy trails.

2:28 PM, March 26, 2006  
Blogger Satan provided this enlightening comment...

any happy trails lead to me

i havent seen garrett on many of those

9:13 AM, March 27, 2006  
Blogger blug provided this enlightening comment...

I hate flamingos. Fucking gay bird.

6:31 PM, March 27, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Pinky, I think you can put the pearls down now. Your drag outfit is beautiful. No really, I am not just saying that to get you to come back here and update your blog. I think you look stunning. Maybe you used just a tad bit of blush but other than that, supurb. I can give you some pointers.

Okay, the pearls... you can put them down now.

12:39 PM, March 28, 2006  
Blogger MsAmber provided this enlightening comment...

Oh that's precious.
Memories.
But I can't believe you tried to put diesel in Flmg1.
I would have SOOOO killed you for that.
All your seals soaked it up for sure.
MsAmber

5:48 PM, March 28, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Oh wow pinky, are you training under High Maintenence Hussy?

9:24 PM, March 28, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Now I am seriously concerned Pinky. Either you are having an extremely hard time putting down those pearls or you've been murdered.

No one in America works this hard.

10:20 AM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger jungle jane provided this enlightening comment...

Flamingo i have a little present to give you from PDD when i get to america this weekend. please don't eat any asparagus between now and then...

3:20 PM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger Bloodgood provided this enlightening comment...

Flamingo is becoming worse than Dorian. I know he has family in town right now which may prevent him from his blogging duties.

8:21 PM, March 30, 2006  
Blogger The Phoenix provided this enlightening comment...

Where are you????

9:04 AM, March 31, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Wow Pinky, you really know how to entertain!

3:19 PM, March 31, 2006  
Anonymous Kagemusha provided this enlightening comment...

Everyone can relax. I confirmed the well being of Flamingo at lunch today. He has been playing great host to family that is visiting and simply hasn't had time to update. He will be back shortly.

Go about your lives citizens. Nothing to see here.

3:21 PM, March 31, 2006  
Blogger Hairy Prison Guard provided this enlightening comment...

Kagemusha got here just in time because otherwise I was about to put another one of those posts on here where I was talking all about how I had finally gotten to Mr. Flaming1 driver himself because he is such a rude, insensitive person and clobbered him over the head with a lojack.

But I guess that one won't fly this time.

4:33 PM, March 31, 2006  
Blogger Dongley Shlongford provided this enlightening comment...

Shit, or get off the pot. Dude.

7:36 PM, March 31, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Kagemusha:
I am jealous that you got to have lunch with my pinky today. Yes, I am still obsessed with him.

Fuck!

8:22 PM, March 31, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

I even google earthed him in Scottsdale Arizona.

It looks far too rich there for my taste.

Fuck!

8:23 PM, March 31, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Who exactly are you entertaining Pinky? The entire state of Arizona?

11:32 PM, March 31, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Okay, no American is able to entertain this long. I have grown to suspect that you are an illegal alien.

11:47 AM, April 02, 2006  
Blogger josh williams provided this enlightening comment...

Dang!

12:03 PM, April 02, 2006  
Blogger Eve provided this enlightening comment...

Can I assume that you are gone Mr Mingo? ~sigh~

Another nuke off the ol' blogroll... =(

6:40 AM, April 03, 2006  
Blogger crallspace provided this enlightening comment...

Well, when you come up thru ORE, they will pump your gas FOR you... ahhh...

Still hoping you'll give me a call. In fact, when you pass through a little town of Yachats, think of me. By Waldport and Newport, you are entering Crallspace territory...sort of.

I am an hour inland, past the finest bunch of trees and mts. that you ever did see.

They call the motel New Dynamic, to attract the new dynamic of motorcyclists, like your club!

May you continue a safe trip.

5:54 AM, April 05, 2006  
Blogger Jim Crall provided this enlightening comment...

Damn, dude. What happened to you? Can't you see your fans are screaming for your return?

9:27 PM, April 06, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous provided this enlightening comment...

I love your story on your ride through Guernville. I was looking up some breakfast restraunts and came across your blog in search. I laughed at your ending of the story at the pizza place. LOL

You have a great since of humor.

Have fun in Vegas. I am leaving for Vegas Thursday for the weekend. Have fun.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. LOL
Not much like Guernville. :)

65 Panhead Girl

2:32 AM, May 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous provided this enlightening comment...

i like pie

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