Sunday, February 26, 2006

Sunday Morning Misceallaneous

100th Post:

Apparently the Brad Pitt post was my 100th post. As a blogger, I was charged with the duty of posting the top 100 things that you couldn't give two shits to know about me.


I passed on that. Instead, I wrote about
Brad Pitt who is damn dreamy. Not only was that post more interesting than this one, it received something like 70 comments - a Born to Flock record - which is why I am adding this picture...

Because my life is so fantastically interesting and full of richness and excitement, I figure that I can give you, instead, my top 10 things that you don't really give a shit about me. Each one of my items is certainly worth 10 of the items on an average blogger's list. So here it is:

1. I think Brad Pitt is dreamy.

2. I ride a motorcycle - a lot.

3. I masturbate (a lot) while thinking about all of you (yes, especially you!).

4. I am a large, pear-shaped, middle aged, balding guy who is certain that he is a sex machine.

5. Climbing mountains has become a hobby if not a passion...but only little mountains that have paths and bathrooms nearby (and preferably
microbreweries).

6. My family is pretty damn awesome - The Wife, Mad Dog, Punkin and Marquez (the Pool Boy) - they all kick ass like
Chuck Norris.

7. Sailing a sailboat around the world is my dream though I have never even been on a sailboat (I also subscribe to 2 sailing magazines).

8. Road trips are my favorite vacations. You can't beat stopping to see the giant ball of mud, house of sod, enormous popcorn ball, meteor crater, sasquatch or ostrich farm. Roadside America is a fantastic experience but it is dying...and it is a damn shame. I blame Wal-Mart. (Yes, I have stopped at the dinosaurs in Cabazon, California - they are the ones that appeared in Pee Wees Big Adventure).

9. God doesn't give a damn what we are up to. He/She/It has better things to do than to punish me for masturbating while thinking about you (yes, especially you!).


10.
Garrett created this monster. Garrett and I used to work for the same firm - but in different cities. We worked together on a few projects and corresponded on a somewhat regular basis for a period of time. I have always found him hysterically funny, quirky and entertaining. I don't remember who sent me the link to his blog; it may have been Garrett himself. In fact, I think my good friend, Caroline and I sent Garrett an e-mail one day that said, "MMMM...this tapioca pudding is delicious." We hadn't talked to him in more than a year - so you can see how relevant the content of that e-mail was. That e-mail set off a chain of e-mails that culminated by Garrett offering up the link to his blog as a way to keep apprised of how he was doing on a regular basis. I started reading it and became hooked. I am working on my "Tribute To Garrett" blog entry at this time. It is in the concept and planning stages and assistance is being provided by Jungle Jane.

Post 100th Post:

After "Brad Pitt is Damn Dreamy," I started to go through the journal I wrote while riding my motorcycle with my cousin - Chunk - from Phoenix, Arizona to Santa Monica, California and then north on the Pacific Coast Highway to Portland, Oregon.

I re-read the first two posts and they are so dark and depressing and serious. What the hell is up with that? This trip was one of the most fabulous experiences of my lifetime and I made it sound like I was being marched off to prison. Furthermore, I am not even a dark, depressing, serious kind of guy.

This thought occurred to me while reading
(Garrett Style)* one of the short stories from David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day." Mr. Sedaris is able to tell a story about parts of his life in an interesting and amusing manner. I apparently resort to the writing equivialent of the entertainment value of a funeral service to convey my joy during one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Yes, I can take a fantasy voyage, apply my special brand of alchemy and, voila! Dogshit.

So, I am abandoning the PCH series and I am going to regale you with a couple of specific interesting and funny tales from the trip instead of wasting any more time building suspense and setting the tone of a horribly frightening experience that wasn't suspenseful nor frightening.

*according to the post, the picture of Garrett reading while posed majestically on the loo (see Jungle Jane's English/Australian-African - Australian-African/English Dictionary for definition) has been removed temporarily.

HEARTFELT GOODBYES -


Don Knotts - Growing up, Don Knotts was one of my favorite character actors. I loved the Andy Griffith show and when Don Knotts left, it jumped the shark. The interplay between Don Knotts and Andy Griffith was television gold. I also remember Don from one of my favorite Disney movies from my childhood - "The Incredible Mr. Limpet." This was not a huge movie for Disney like Snow White or Bambie, but I remember loving this film largely because of the comedy of Don Knotts. I also screamed with laughter as Don Knotts shot down bad guys in "The Shakiest Gun in the West" using nothing but his finger. Thank you for entertaining me, Mr. Knotts.


Darren McGavin - The greatest and most accurate portrayal of true fatherhood ever in the history of TV or motion pictures was Darren McGavin's role as Ralphie Parker's father in "A Christmas Story." The movie is hysterically funny to begin with - but McGavin is at his best when he presents Ralphie with the Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing that tells time. That scene nearly brings me to tears everytime I watch that movie - and I watch it a lot. Leg lamps, furnaces and flat tires - who didn't want Darren McGavin to be their father?

27 Comments:

Blogger Eve provided this enlightening comment...

Congrats my dear Flamingo.

100th post is indeed a mile stone. I hope that you enjoy a celebratory masturbation session while chanting "Yay Me!!"

10? I want more!

And by the way, if my boys saw those dinosaurs on the horizon... they would SHIT THEIR PANTS!!

A road trip is in order...

12:39 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Bloodgood provided this enlightening comment...

I love getting the Background on how this all came about.
I am very jealous about the dinos,
ANDY!!!

R.I.P. Don and Darren

12:48 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger Complete Game provided this enlightening comment...

Garrett Schmarrett. What about me? I helped stroke your ego early on while you were getting your blogging legs under you (not that I knew anything about it or computers really).

Sheeeeeat.

12:50 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

Yes, Game also deserves a lot of credit for this. His always amusing comments and fabulous hair kept me going...and going...and going..

Bloodgood you are the kickingest ass ass kicker ever!!

Nowhere Girl - the rule of show biz is that you should always leave them wanting more...and make them shit their pants if possible.

Yes, you need to take the boys on a road trip. It will drive everyone nuts and be the most memorable experience of your lives.

12:55 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger jungle jane provided this enlightening comment...

Congratulations on you centenary! A post as splendid as this one surely deserves 100 comments. Personally i am going to go upstairs and masturbate furiously 100 times. I will think of your motorcycle whilst doing so.

i know that there will be no repurcussions to this because God will be elsewhere occupied and while the cat is away....

3:23 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger DorianGray1854 provided this enlightening comment...

Congrats on 100. I'm terribly sad about Knots The Incredible Mr. Limpet was a fucking awsome movie!!

4:14 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

Jane - 100 times could cause callouses. You may want to get a good silicon based lubricant.

Dorian, thanks for the sentiments and the confirmation on Mr. Limpet.

7:03 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger garrett provided this enlightening comment...

My friend.

You are a kind and generous soul.

I would note that I am not entirely comfortable with you giving me credit for your "unleasing the monster" so near your confession that you frequently masturbate....people might get the wrong idea.

* * *

With regards to the PCH chronicles, I want to encourage you to seriously consider whether the project should be abandoned so early. Granted Chapter 2 was a bit dark. But shit, probably that's because so was that moment in the trip. I thought each of the unlabeled Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 were fantastic and informative and interesting and worth reading.

Chronicling the trip, I suspect, will be like the trip itself. At times wonderful and joyous. At times tedious and hard on the tailbone.

Just because you started off the way you started off is no reason to stop.

Let's see where you end up.

Just be honest.

Here's to the next 100 posts of Flamingo!!

7:54 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger YellowSock provided this enlightening comment...

1 - 5 are the same as me! I will count to 100 while I masturbate.

8:07 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

I just saw "A Christmas Story" for the first time several years back... I think I might have been in my early twenties, perhaps mid 20's. And yes. It is hysterically funny. Just as Garrett is hysterically funny, which brings me to add that I think his blog deserves a bigger audience. He's a damn good blogger and I don't understand why he only gets a few comments and 10-20 sporatically. Is this world really all that tasteless??

Brad Pitt is dreamy but I don't think he is the most dreamy of all the dreamy men. That would have to go to you. Yes I really do think you are the most dreamy. And the fact that you are certain that you are a sex machine makes my pants blow to the ceiling and I subsequently find myself swinging from a chandelier, and we don't even have chandeliers... which brings me to question, what country am I in?

Often times I think to myself that it would be fabulous if I could beem myself to... well you know where (that's if you ever read my comment posted on Dan Cralls blog).

Congrats on you 100th! You deserve a blowjob!

8:37 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Okay, so that's me on the left.

9:03 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

I'm clearly not getting any action. So I just smoke and roll my eyes.

9:04 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Oh my. I was reading Poop On Rosenblatt's poop on appliances and just discovered I am very forward.

10:17 PM, February 26, 2006  
Blogger The Velvet Fog provided this enlightening comment...

Garrett's blog is an aquired taste, just like Garrett himself.

Garrett won't sell out and be a shill for THE MAN just to get hits on his blog.

Gansta ass Garrett's don't flex nuts, cuz gansta ass Garretts know they got 'em.

6:51 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Garrett sold out when he moved to Texas.

7:04 AM, February 27, 2006  
Anonymous lightpinknips provided this enlightening comment...

So you are going to tell us tales about masturbating while on the PCH? I'll be checking back much more frequently in case that is true.

7:26 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger garrett provided this enlightening comment...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:07 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger garrett provided this enlightening comment...

Let's try this again ... I feel strongly about this. So I have taken action. Please stop by my blog and let Flamingo know you want him to keep writing up the PCH Chronicles.

Flamingo Poll



We don't care if it sucks! Keep it coming!!

8:09 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger MsAmber provided this enlightening comment...

Hey, congratulations on the big 100.
I wasn't bummed out by your narrative on the road trips at all.

Brad Pitt is dreamy, I agree.

MsAmber

8:25 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger MsAmber provided this enlightening comment...

Can someone tell me who was the cute little hitchhiker in the movie "Thelma and Louise"?
Was that Brad Pitt also?
MsAmber

8:30 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger garrett provided this enlightening comment...

Brad Pitt was in Thelma and Louise. I think he was the hitchhiker.

He's no Keanu Reeves.

8:57 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger The Velvet Fog provided this enlightening comment...

HE'S no great piece of ass!

10:30 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger Captain Carl provided this enlightening comment...

Ay.....Brad Pitt was also a kick ass Vampire in Interview with the Vampire....

11:39 AM, February 27, 2006  
Blogger The Phoenix provided this enlightening comment...

100 posts since only October...that's really good. Keep it going.

I remember those dinosaurs in Pee Wee's Big Adventure too. I wanna go!!!!!!

Darren McGavin was great in A Christmas Story. I love how Ralphie describes his father as "weaving a tapestry of profanity."

He also starred in a show that was a prelude to the X-Files, "Kolchack The Night Stalker."

1:00 PM, February 27, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous provided this enlightening comment...

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9:43 AM, February 22, 2007  
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5:11 PM, March 14, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous provided this enlightening comment...

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7:43 PM, March 02, 2010  

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