Sunday Morning Misceallaneous

100th Post:

Apparently the Brad Pitt post was my 100th post. As a blogger, I was charged with the duty of posting the top 100 things that you couldn't give two shits to know about me.


I passed on that. Instead, I wrote about Brad Pitt who is damn dreamy. Not only was that post more interesting than this one, it received something like 70 comments - a Born to Flock record - which is why I am adding this picture...

Because my life is so fantastically interesting and full of richness and excitement, I figure that I can give you, instead, my top 10 things that you don't really give a shit about me. Each one of my items is certainly worth 10 of the items on an average blogger's list. So here it is:

1. I think Brad Pitt is dreamy.

2. I ride a motorcycle - a lot.

3. I masturbate (a lot) while thinking about all of you (yes, especially you!).

4. I am a large, pear-shaped, middle aged, balding guy who is certain that he is a sex machine.

5. Climbing mountains has become a hobby if not a passion...but only little mountains that have paths and bathrooms nearby (and preferably microbreweries).

6. My family is pretty damn awesome - The Wife, Mad Dog, Punkin and Marquez (the Pool Boy) - they all kick ass like Chuck Norris.

7. Sailing a sailboat around the world is my dream though I have never even been on a sailboat (I also subscribe to 2 sailing magazines).

8. Road trips are my favorite vacations. You can't beat stopping to see the giant ball of mud, house of sod, enormous popcorn ball, meteor crater, sasquatch or ostrich farm. Roadside America is a fantastic experience but it is dying...and it is a damn shame. I blame Wal-Mart. (Yes, I have stopped at the dinosaurs in Cabazon, California - they are the ones that appeared in Pee Wees Big Adventure).

9. God doesn't give a damn what we are up to. He/She/It has better things to do than to punish me for masturbating while thinking about you (yes, especially you!).


10. Garrett created this monster. Garrett and I used to work for the same firm - but in different cities. We worked together on a few projects and corresponded on a somewhat regular basis for a period of time. I have always found him hysterically funny, quirky and entertaining. I don't remember who sent me the link to his blog; it may have been Garrett himself. In fact, I think my good friend, Caroline and I sent Garrett an e-mail one day that said, "MMMM...this tapioca pudding is delicious." We hadn't talked to him in more than a year - so you can see how relevant the content of that e-mail was. That e-mail set off a chain of e-mails that culminated by Garrett offering up the link to his blog as a way to keep apprised of how he was doing on a regular basis. I started reading it and became hooked. I am working on my "Tribute To Garrett" blog entry at this time. It is in the concept and planning stages and assistance is being provided by Jungle Jane.

Post 100th Post:

After "Brad Pitt is Damn Dreamy," I started to go through the journal I wrote while riding my motorcycle with my cousin - Chunk - from Phoenix, Arizona to Santa Monica, California and then north on the Pacific Coast Highway to Portland, Oregon.

I re-read the first two posts and they are so dark and depressing and serious. What the hell is up with that? This trip was one of the most fabulous experiences of my lifetime and I made it sound like I was being marched off to prison. Furthermore, I am not even a dark, depressing, serious kind of guy.

This thought occurred to me while reading (Garrett Style)* one of the short stories from David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day." Mr. Sedaris is able to tell a story about parts of his life in an interesting and amusing manner. I apparently resort to the writing equivialent of the entertainment value of a funeral service to convey my joy during one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Yes, I can take a fantasy voyage, apply my special brand of alchemy and, voila! Dogshit.

So, I am abandoning the PCH series and I am going to regale you with a couple of specific interesting and funny tales from the trip instead of wasting any more time building suspense and setting the tone of a horribly frightening experience that wasn't suspenseful nor frightening.

*according to the post, the picture of Garrett reading while posed majestically on the loo (see Jungle Jane's English/Australian-African - Australian-African/English Dictionary for definition) has been removed temporarily.

HEARTFELT GOODBYES -


Don Knotts - Growing up, Don Knotts was one of my favorite character actors. I loved the Andy Griffith show and when Don Knotts left, it jumped the shark. The interplay between Don Knotts and Andy Griffith was television gold. I also remember Don from one of my favorite Disney movies from my childhood - "The Incredible Mr. Limpet." This was not a huge movie for Disney like Snow White or Bambie, but I remember loving this film largely because of the comedy of Don Knotts. I also screamed with laughter as Don Knotts shot down bad guys in "The Shakiest Gun in the West" using nothing but his finger. Thank you for entertaining me, Mr. Knotts.


Darren McGavin - The greatest and most accurate portrayal of true fatherhood ever in the history of TV or motion pictures was Darren McGavin's role as Ralphie Parker's father in "A Christmas Story." The movie is hysterically funny to begin with - but McGavin is at his best when he presents Ralphie with the Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing that tells time. That scene nearly brings me to tears everytime I watch that movie - and I watch it a lot. Leg lamps, furnaces and flat tires - who didn't want Darren McGavin to be their father?