Friday, October 06, 2006

Three Things You Really Need to Understand About Me


1. I have an irrational fear of losing my car keys down that gap between the floor and the elevator. Whenever I enter or exit an elevator, I will put my finger through the middle of my keyring so that, the only way that my keys can fall down into the elevator shaft is by severing my finger.

2. I love the old fashioned family road trip. I want to stuff my entire family into a car and drive around the country. My dilemma is that they will generally have no part of it and my wife has panic attacks when stuck in traffic. I would drive up to 2 hours out of my way to see something like the Giant Musky statue in Hayward, Wisconsin...if they would let me.

3. I refuse to take a dump in a public restroom - unless there is absolutely no other choice (like that time in Vegas). I would rather die or soil myself.

Hopefully, this makes it all a little more clear.

12 Comments:

Anonymous kagemusha provided this enlightening comment...

I'm with you on everything there-- with the excpetion of being willing to soil myself before using a public restroom. I won't to that extreme. I'm not crazy.

As for me, I refuse to drive an automatic because when the crazed killer is chasing me in the woods and my car won't start, at least I would have the option of trying to start my vehicle by pushing the car, popping the clutch and burning rubber. With an automatic, you are dead.

Be prepared, that's my motto (FYI, Lord Baden Powell of Boy Scouts fame totally ripped me off).

11:33 AM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

If aren't willing to soil yourself, you lack commitment. I will have no dealings with anyone that isn't completly committed to the cause.

11:34 AM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger Satan provided this enlightening comment...

you already told us that first item

get some new material

or crawl back into your hole

2:53 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

One thing that I hate about Satan is his lack of human compassion.

What a dick.

5:06 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Just flush the toilet and cover the seat with a bunch of toilet paper before taking a dump in a public restroom, if your only fear is another's urine splashing on your tooshie.

It's good to see you back. Love the pic of you in grade school.

9:20 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

You have evolved so much since grade school. I'm betting it's Jenny Craig.

9:29 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

Thanks Jenny Craig!!

I'm not sure what that means.

9:34 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

You were a big musky as depicted in the photo of this post and now you are a pink bird with a skinny neck. Get it now?

9:48 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

Thanks Jenny Craig!

10:08 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Jenny Craig says you get 3 free frozen dishes. Yum.

10:11 PM, October 06, 2006  
Blogger Toby provided this enlightening comment...

My brother lives about 25 minutes from the Musky in Hayward.

2:08 PM, October 12, 2006  
Anonymous Lula provided this enlightening comment...

What would you stick your finger in if you were at the Grand Canyon to keep from losing your wife or girlfriend?

1:47 AM, October 15, 2006  

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