Three Things You Really Need to Understand About Me
1. I have an irrational fear of losing my car keys down that gap between the floor and the elevator. Whenever I enter or exit an elevator, I will put my finger through the middle of my keyring so that, the only way that my keys can fall down into the elevator shaft is by severing my finger.
2. I love the old fashioned family road trip. I want to stuff my entire family into a car and drive around the country. My dilemma is that they will generally have no part of it and my wife has panic attacks when stuck in traffic. I would drive up to 2 hours out of my way to see something like the Giant Musky statue in Hayward, Wisconsin...if they would let me.
3. I refuse to take a dump in a public restroom - unless there is absolutely no other choice (like that time in Vegas). I would rather die or soil myself.
Hopefully, this makes it all a little more clear.
posted by FLAMINGO1 at 11:07 AM
12 Comments:
I'm with you on everything there-- with the excpetion of being willing to soil myself before using a public restroom. I won't to that extreme. I'm not crazy.
As for me, I refuse to drive an automatic because when the crazed killer is chasing me in the woods and my car won't start, at least I would have the option of trying to start my vehicle by pushing the car, popping the clutch and burning rubber. With an automatic, you are dead.
Be prepared, that's my motto (FYI, Lord Baden Powell of Boy Scouts fame totally ripped me off).
If aren't willing to soil yourself, you lack commitment. I will have no dealings with anyone that isn't completly committed to the cause.
you already told us that first item
get some new material
or crawl back into your hole
One thing that I hate about Satan is his lack of human compassion.
What a dick.
Just flush the toilet and cover the seat with a bunch of toilet paper before taking a dump in a public restroom, if your only fear is another's urine splashing on your tooshie.
It's good to see you back. Love the pic of you in grade school.
You have evolved so much since grade school. I'm betting it's Jenny Craig.
Thanks Jenny Craig!!
I'm not sure what that means.
You were a big musky as depicted in the photo of this post and now you are a pink bird with a skinny neck. Get it now?
Thanks Jenny Craig!
Jenny Craig says you get 3 free frozen dishes. Yum.
My brother lives about 25 minutes from the Musky in Hayward.
What would you stick your finger in if you were at the Grand Canyon to keep from losing your wife or girlfriend?
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