Monday, December 05, 2005

The White Elephant


A "White Elephant" gift exchange is where everyone brings a funny, silly or sometimes used gift item, wraps it up and then one person opens a package and then through a series of variable rules, subsequent package openers can either opt to trade gifts with those that went before or keep the gift that they have. It can be a lot of fun if it is done correctly and if you don't have people that are too shy to screw each other over.

Unfortunately, this White Elephant gift exchange happened only a few months after I accepted the position I currently hold...and I didn't really know all of the rules of the game.

We all decided to do this "White Elephant" thing and set the gift exchange for a specific date. There was a $25.00 gift limit, but it was never crystal clear whether it was supposed to be something funny/silly or something nice. So there I was, trapped in ambiguity.

The day of the event was met with another suprise. Our General Counsel announced that he would be attending as well. This was the first social interaction that I would have with the General Counsel and, while very nice, GC was a little intimidating. GC is very proper, professional and reserved at all times. I started to worry a little more about my "gift."

Off we went to a restaurant for the lunchtime gift exchange - packages in tow. On the drive over, I convinced myself that there was no reason to worry. The gift was fine. I started to believe it.

After ordering, the festivities began. One of the admins pulled #1 out of the hat and was designated the first to select and unwrap a gift. Rip...and out came a nice set of candles. Nothing silly or odd about them. They were nice.

#2 went...she pulls out a rocketry set. A funky, fun little toy. I immediately feel slightly better, but it was still pretty tame. #2 exchanges the rockets for the candles. Unless someone else takes the rockets, #1 is stuck with rockets.

#3 goes and pulls out a gift certificate to Best Buy. Nothing wrong with that at all...very nice gift, in fact. Now I grow more worried.

It continues like this through several more gift exchanges. A couple of trades happen but not much action, really.

The GC is # 7. He has had to leave prior to the actual exchange...whew. So his admin pulls for him. She pulls - the package I brought. Dammit.

She tears away the colorful paper and pulls open the lid of the box and immediately starts laughing. The gift is actually quite nice. It is a dark, wood picture cube I picked up at Bombay. It was the unfortunate selection of pictures that I placed into the cube that resulted in her response. She continues laughing.

"What is it?" asked one of the members of the department - laughing along without knowing why. And then it came out of the box and was passed around. The photocube from hell - with pictures of me: (a) taking a nap; (b) wearing an apron while basting a turkey; (c) drinking a shot; (d) drunk on my 40th birthday party wearing a lei and a hat that said "Over the Hill."

Oh, this sounded like a great idea for a white elephant gift exchange when I first started putting it together. Now that GC had drawn it, the joy rushed out of it in the same manner as the blood rushing out of my face.

Everyone had a great laugh - at my expense - and couldn't wait to run back to the office to "present" the GC with this gift. Of course, NOBODY would trade away their prize to take this gift away from the GC - as I am sure they believed that the best gift was the entertainment of seeing me humiliated when the gift was presented. They got their money's worth

That cube still sits on his desk and it still contains the same pictures - though I remind him on each occasion I am in his office that those pictures can be changed.

How I look forward to this year's exchange.

30 Comments:

Blogger Dongley Shlongford provided this enlightening comment...

Look at the bright side.
At least you weren't holding your crank in one of the photos.

2:58 PM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger NowhereGirl provided this enlightening comment...

I am guilty! I love the white elephant gift exchange!

By the way Fla, how are you going to out-do yourself this year?

Now you have an image to uphold... ;-)

9:47 PM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger Slickitysly provided this enlightening comment...

I think that is rather funny, and if nothing else creates a bit of a bond between you and your boss. In my family we do the same thing amongst the adults (although we call it the Chinese Gift Exchange) it is always a fun time. In most cases people bring things they want (cases of wine) and attempt to trade for them / take home their own presents!

7:08 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger Chris provided this enlightening comment...

...or holding someone else's crank

7:50 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger Femi-mommy provided this enlightening comment...

if only you would have put a picture of you mooning something - it would have been the perfect story =)

8:43 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

Mooning would have been great...although I thought downing a shot of tequila was pretty good, too.

The fifth picture (4 sides of the cube and the top) was of my son's friend. He came to our Halloween party dressed as Napoleon Dynamite. He already looks like Napoleon Dynamite, so the bad suit completed the picture. So the cube had 4 bad photos of me and one photo of some kid dressed up like Napoleon Dynamite. It was really awful and I assumed the recipient would actually change the photos.

I also did not mention the fact that the GC is also the son of the owner of the bank.

9:02 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

I strongly sense that GC jacks off to your photocube.

GC sounds like a glamorously powerful business man they portray on soap operas. All of those types jack off to photocubes, especially when they are filled with photos of men as handsome and have great big feet as you, Pinky.

How was your session this morning, my love?

9:45 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

I strongly sense that GC jacks off to your photocube.

GC sounds like a glamorously powerful business man they portray on soap operas. All of those types jack off to photocubes, especially when they are filled with photos of men as handsome and have great big feet as you, Pinky.

How was your session this morning, my love?

9:46 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

I don't know why that was sent in duplicate.

9:47 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger The Phoenix provided this enlightening comment...

Holy crap that's funny!

I wanna see the Napoleon Dynamite picture now.

10:52 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger crallspace provided this enlightening comment...

Nobody includes sex toys?

11:39 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Yes, canned delight would work perfectly in this scenario, wouldn't it?

11:46 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger Tuna Girl provided this enlightening comment...

That's a brilliant White Elephant gift. And adorable to boot.

12:16 PM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

But it hurts just a little bit when nobody wants to trade for it...

1:27 PM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Pinky have I told you lately that your beak is just devine?

1:45 PM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger Erin O'Brien provided this enlightening comment...

-confidential to F.-

*giddy* w/response to book.

-confidential to PDD-

the official name of the device (I think) was "vagina in a can." yikes!

5:00 PM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger Melanhead provided this enlightening comment...

Hey, better your Bombay cube than a Tiffany & Company VHS tape on How To Buy A Diamond.

6:51 PM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger Big Pissy provided this enlightening comment...

I love that he hasn't changed the pictures! LOL!

7:38 PM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger Dongley Shlongford provided this enlightening comment...

I've had vagina in the can before, but never from a can. Interesting.

7:18 AM, December 07, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

LOL shlonglord.

8:19 AM, December 07, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

I forgot to mention that the white elephant is very glamorous.

10:35 AM, December 07, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

Also, I have a very pretty vagina. That had to be said.

12:22 PM, December 07, 2005  
Blogger Dongley Shlongford provided this enlightening comment...

And your opinion means what?
What sort of vagina viewing/grading experience do you have?

Lets let an expert have a look. Post a photo of said anatomical wonderment and I'll let you know.

As the pilots say, I have a lot of 'time' in these things.

2:10 PM, December 07, 2005  
Blogger MsAmber provided this enlightening comment...

The absolute best white elephant gift I have ever seen was this big cheap mexican-style flea market clock with the pink and purple silk flowers and the Virgin of Guadalupe in it. It was so (um) colorful. It kept getting traded. Everybody kept trading for it, and finally at the end, this sweet little mexican gal (in housekeeping) was the last to choose and she traded the 6 pack of beer for the gaudy clock. It was a riot. And the funny thing was, she would probably be the only one in the room to actually enjoy it.
I loved your story. That's funny.
MsAmber

7:13 PM, December 07, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

While I am still debating whether or not I will post my anatomical wonderment, I will let it be known that it doesn't look and hang like chicken skin, like the women you court Shlongford.

It is a very pretty pie indeed.

8:39 AM, December 08, 2005  
Blogger MsAmber provided this enlightening comment...

Hmmm. Not sure if I would describe mine as "pretty". It's only slightly used, however.
I guess I would have to know what attributes you would judge it by.
I can french-braid it.
(grin)
MsAmber

9:41 AM, December 08, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

I hope you are talking about braiding pubes Amber.

10:10 AM, December 08, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

And if that is the case, you should employ a barber. I'm sure Shlonglord will agree it's always the best when it's shaved.

10:11 AM, December 08, 2005  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

Who knew that a post on a poorly considered gift for a gift exchange would result in a discussion of coochie aesthetics?!?!

12:33 PM, December 08, 2005  
Blogger MsAmber provided this enlightening comment...

Oh hell no. Razorburn down there? Are you kidding?
I was joking about the french braid, though. Just me trying to be funny.

MsAmber

2:18 PM, December 08, 2005  

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