Saturday, December 10, 2005

Don't Drink and Blog


Well, the apology post is already shot to hell.

My company holiday party was tonight. Yes, I said Holiday Party...and yes, I am going to shop at Target twice as much this year because they are saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Screw anyone that disagrees with that because I KNOW THAT I AM RIGHT.

I know that God wants us to accept each other and respect each other. Accordingly, God wants me to say Happy Holidays. I know that without one ounce of doubt. I am certain that the Bible backs me up on that. Why would God want me to ostrasize 3/4 the planet???

If God loves anyone, he loves the Jews, oh and of course he also loves the Muslims, the Hindus and the Bhuddists.

He does not feel sorry for them. I know that.

In fact, I know that he just appreciates the fact that they treat each other with respect - provided that they do treat each other with respect.

In fact, if God wasn't busy with more important things (like running the universe) he would probably smite a few judgemental assholes such as Oral Roberts, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and Travis for professing to know more about God than anyone else. I, too, have now exposed myself to smiting as well...and I deserve it.

IN FACT, I happen to know that the only people that God really does not like are those people that think they have all the answers about God.

By the way, that is what GOD looks like. I know it. Yes, he is a white man. So is Jesus. Don't even try to argue that Jesus would be of Arabic descent due to the part of the world in which he was born. I KNOW that Jesus was white...just like me.

*****WARNING - STAY AT LEAST 15 FEET FROM THE EDGE OF THE SARCHASM******

21 Comments:

Blogger Erin O'Brien provided this enlightening comment...

Goddamn, flamingo, you're practically glowing.

2:08 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Femi-mommy provided this enlightening comment...

oof! damn i fell into the sarcasm pit.

6:54 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger MsAmber provided this enlightening comment...

Ha ha ha ha haaa.
You are, by far, one of the most lucid drunks I have ever read.

You do write well.

MsAmber

8:10 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Chuck Dawson provided this enlightening comment...

Hey man, I ain't gay or nothin', but that post totally turned me on.

I have a big "white" boner right now and I'm sitting on a cross.

8:24 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Big Pissy provided this enlightening comment...

....and I'm shopping at Target because their Christmas commercials have some of my favorite "Earth, Wind and Fire" tunes as background music. Its alll about their commercials and the music they choose for 'em!
Happy Holidays! heh heh!

11:55 AM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger crallspace provided this enlightening comment...

Drinking and blogging is OK... you get more off your chest.

I was hoping to see Travis' name in that list!

12:30 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger NowhereGirl provided this enlightening comment...

Ooooh, you're angry and philisophical when you drink.

I just slap my coworker's asses, do tequila shots with my boss, and do the funky chicken...

1:58 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger The Phoenix provided this enlightening comment...

I'd say for you, drinking and blogging go very well together.

4:24 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger garrett provided this enlightening comment...

Not to pull back too far from the sarchasm, but if Jesus is the reason for the season, I thought some of you folks might be interested to read this Gary North column outlining one reason fundamentalist Christians are so pro-Israel. If that sales pitch doesn't sway you, maybe this will: it has to do with The Rapture.

And eschatology.

6:25 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger crusher provided this enlightening comment...

That is fun. I'm so fucked up, I can barely type.

9:57 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger Ben provided this enlightening comment...

Reading your blog hurts my eyes. No, it's not the comments even when I don't fully agree. It's the purple font on a black background.

11:57 PM, December 11, 2005  
Blogger HighMaintenanceHussy provided this enlightening comment...

awww...unsolicited criticism...don't ya love it?

7:32 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger HizzleThizzle provided this enlightening comment...

I think the whole point of the post just zipped right over Ben's head.

8:03 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:11 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

You have just proven to be a glamorous demigod. (I think Ari will be very mad at you.)

And how much do we love HizzleThizzle. You are one sexy angel.

9:12 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

I accidentally deleted the comment prior. No I didn't have second thoughts, I made a spelling error... again.

9:14 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger Dongley Shlongford provided this enlightening comment...

I think everyone has overlooked the fact that my main honkey is BACK! CRUSHER LIVES!

The Shlong has a man crush on the Crush-man.

Oh, and PDD, that angel is a Victoria's Secret model. I know, I banged them all when they were shooting in Hawaii last year.

10:13 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger PDD provided this enlightening comment...

I wish I were there to watch.

10:38 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger Melanhead provided this enlightening comment...

When is it appropriate to wish someone a specific religious greeting? When at least 50% of the world observes that same religion? 75%? 95%?

I am sure in various countries, you don’t have people avoiding the words “Happy Ramadan” or “Happy Kwanzaa”. In any case, “Holiday” in this context usually alludes to some sort of period of time that has its origin in pagan roots. Paganism is a type of religion, so you’re still going to offend some people who have no religion at all by saying Happy Holidays.

Look, I used to live in Los Angeles, and I found myself saying Happy Holidays all the time. But now living in a suburb of New Orleans, I’d say almost everyone here observes Christianity/Catholicism, and I generally say Merry Christmas, because 9 to 1 I am not going to offend that person. I think the Merry Christmas greeting is a little more acceptable when you live in a homogenous part of the country. I miss the diversity of Los Angeles, but I do feel somewhat liberated when I can say Merry Christmas in public without 10 people coming at me with sticks and stones, and an image of myself burning in effigy.

12:00 PM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 provided this enlightening comment...

As an individual, you are free to tell people Merry Christmas to your heart's delight. I really don't think many people would be offended by you saying Merry Christmas. I am not and most of my Jewish friends wouldn't bat an eye.

Drea can send out Christmas cards to her friends and family saying Merry Christmas and reciting her favorite Bible phrases. That is her freedom of choice and her freedom of religion.

You aren't Target stores and you aren't the Federal Government. You (and Drea) need only worry about yourself and your own circle of humanity.

I agree that paganism and atheism are also beliefs that people hold and by saying Happy Holidays you may be offending them.

But Target stores wants to sell their crap and 99% of the populace are not going to be offended by Happy Holidays - that is a legitimate business tactic.

Meanwhile, the federal, state and local governments should refrain from endorsing religion - period. I don't see any reason that any one religion should insist on a reference or an endorsement by the government.

The same person saying the same words can be held to a different standard depending on for whom and where they are speaking.

1:05 PM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger Femi-mommy provided this enlightening comment...

there are holidays across every culture and belief system during this time of year - i can think of no reason why ANYONE sould be offended by 'happy holidays' other than they are egotistical fucks who want THEIR specific religon or custom mentioned - and fuck those people.

yes i siad everyone - even pagens and aithiests - a. i don't believe atheism(sic) is a philosophical possibility (and i could write a nice long thing about this, but i won't - just trust that it is not semantically possible, agree that i'm about half way through a MA phil and leave it at that - if you really want to debate it come yell at me on my blog.) b. even (so called) athiests beleive in the calander - hence new year can be celebrated. c. pagens have lots of shit, winter solistice, new years, blah balh blah... anyway everyone has some custom - so HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS

12:05 PM, December 13, 2005  

Post a Comment

<< Home