Sunday, October 29, 2006

Halloween Post-Party or Why My Noggin Hurts

The ladies were lovely,

The beer was cold.

The Annual Halloween Party was another success.

We had go-go girls, body builders, sexy cowgirls and Spanish flamenco dancers....

Charlie's Angels made an appearance along with Blacula....

the lunch lady came and hung out with a nurse, Devo and Audrey Hepburn. Those Devo guys get all the "chicks"...

The King of Beer was there and he brought his lovely queen - and his own tankard for ale...

and Dorothy and the Scarecrow hung out with the lunch lady.

My apologies to Luke Skywalker (Kagemusha) and Meleficient - I did not get a picture!!! I am sure there are other things that I probably need to apologize for as well, but I will handle that personally next time I see you!!

I woke up at 6:00a.m. this morning feeling a little under the weather. Someone clearly poisoned our keg of beer. I am going to write the liquor store, from whom I bought the keg, a very strongly worded letter admonishing them for allowing this to happen. My noggin still hurts...and now I have to go back to work tomorrow. Not cool.

My estimate is that we had about 45 people in attendance throughout the night. The crowd ebbed and flowed, but that was about right. Next year, you should come.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Annual Halloween Party

Tonight is our Sixth Annual Halloween Party.

Prepare for photos to follow tomorrow...

(this is from last year - I am the Libertarian Viking)

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Pure Comedy Genius

Monkey See-Monkey Do

There is nothing funnier than talking monkeys dressed up like people. NOTHING. It is pure comedy gold!!

When will network television realize this and bring back Lancelot Link?

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Happy Anniversary To Me

One year today - Not sober...blogging.

Because it is my one year anniversary, I am going to share some insights and get a few things off of my chest:

1. People who call into talk radio shows are the dumbest people on the planet. We don't want to hear your opinion if you can't even complete a sentence in which there is subject/verb agreement.

2. Speaking of difficulty completing a sentence (he says using an incomplete sentence)... Arizona - #1 Dumb. This article ran on today's local web news ( In case you don't care to read the entire article, I will summarize it for you: Arizona is the dumbest state in the U.S. It's true, we are even dumber than Kentucky. This page then takes comments from subscribers. Here are the comments (or as we say in Arizona, Here is the comments): Comments.

My favorite comment is the third one from the top which reads:

"Those idiots don't know nothing about us. How they can make that statement. Is it because we have so many splanglish speakers that are uneducated. Let them think whatever they want." (Carl4480, October 17, 2006 09:54AM)

Well said Carl4480!! You really put those bastards in their place.

3. Apparently North Korea is going to try again. After it's first attempt to set off an atomic bomb ended with a bit of a disappointment, it appears that North Korea has something to prove. The first test was described as follows on

"The analysis detected radioactive debris, indicating the explosive yield was less than one kiloton, said a statement from John Negroponte's office. That is relatively small for a nuclear test."

Apparently you ladies are right; size matters. Kim Jong-il is clearly suffering a little A-Bomb envy - I guess what they say about Asian Communist Party leaders is true. Let's just all pray that Kenya doesn't get the bomb. Completely racist and out of line and I apologize for sinking to such depths for a laugh - now shut up - it's my anniversary.

4. It pisses me off that Erin O'Brien has copyrighted her blog. That means that everytime I mention Erin O'Brien on my blog, I likely have to pay some sort of royalty to Erin O'Brien. By now, I probably owe Erin O'Brien around $12.95. Erin O'Brien isn't going to see a damn penny! Sue me, Erin O'Brien, if you have the guts! That's right, I am calling you out,Erin O'Brien. Erin O'Brien is a giant chicken-sh*# and I laugh in the face of Erin O'Brien's copyright - HA!!!

5. If Barry Goldwater was alive today, I would vote for him. Before I catch a lot of crap from the political left regarding Barry Goldwater and his conservative movement, hear me out. Conservatism is not the crap that the Republican Party is cramming down our throats today. Barry Goldwater was pro-choice. He was for small government. He stood for personal liberties and state's rights. He may have propelled Regan's political career, but he did not mix in fundamentalist religion with his political beliefs. Regan may have been a hero to many (most of whom probably don't even really know why) but in reality, he began the bastardization of the Republican Party and started it down the path to where it is today. The closest thing we have to Goldwater Republicanism right now is the Libertarian Party - and as soon as they can field candidates that aren't complete whackos, they will have my vote.

By the way - REGISTER TO VOTE IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY. It is time to kick the crooks and pedophiles out of our government.

Don't get confused by the media's attempts to connect this guy with homosexuality. It is not the same. I have no issue with voting for someone who is openly gay. I have a big problem with someone who approaches underage men or women. That's wrong. He should be kicked out of office and put in jail.

However, she did nothing wrong.

I am just kidding of course. I think this actually raises a double standard that we hold. If Foley had limited his e-mails to females, the media would have already let this go. In the instance of a female seducing a young male, the media almost glamorizes it. By "almost" I mean that they parade it on every news show and quasi-news show (Entertainment Tonight, etc.) and treat her like Paris Hilton. She should be in prison. She should register as a sex offender.

6. Since someone brought up the issue of homosexuality, I want to openly state that I support homosexual "marriage." The problem I have is with openly gay individuals who expect the church (and especially the Catholic Church) to accept and approve of them. That issue is a red-herring for the cause and they should move away from convincing the church to recognize their union. It is the GOVERNMENT that should recognize this union. Marriage is a legal contract between two individuals. With it comes the right to inherit, rights related to healthcare decisions, the right to file a joint tax returns and other such fundamental rights. Any two consenting adults should be permitted to enter into a life contract such as this and should enjoy the same rights (and miseries) that I do as a man married to a woman.

Meanwhile, Christianity-based religions are not forced to recognize marriage, nor should they be. The Catholic Church (insert Lutheran, Baptist, etc.) is not a governmental entity. You are not forced to belong to the church; you do not have a choice whether to be subject to the government (unless, of course, you leave the country). My point - Government has a duty to treat us each equally. Private, voluntary organizations have the right to discriminate as to their members.

I feel the same way about Augusta National Golf Club being forced to accept women - they are a PRIVATE club and should not be forced to accept women as members. I think their decision to limit membership to men is stupid - but they have a right to do so. Likewise, you may go buy some land, build your own golf course and exclude stupid white men from your membership.

WELL, that's it. I'm stepping down from my soap box (until I feel like getting back on it again). Thanks for a wonderful year!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Inane Curiousity

My group of six filters into the swanky sushi-teppanyaki restaurant filled with brilliant exotic fish tanks and flashy Asian-fusion decor. This is a place known for being seen more than it is known for its food, but we are here to celebrate a birthday. The unnaturally attractive hostess leads the flock of six to our teppanyaki table designed for eight. We settle in; women together on one side, men around the front of the table, two seats open on the end. I occupy the seat on the far frontier of our group, immediately adjacent to the empty chairs.

The usual persual of menus, much chatter and drink orders ensue. And then, the last two guests arrive; a "couple" unknown to us.

One of the quirks of a teppanyaki table is that you often have complete strangers at your dinner table unless you fill every seat. This isn't the first time we have had unknown individuals at our table yet I never really get used to it. I'm not social. I don't like making small-talk with strangers whom I will likely never see again. This trait is wholly contradicted by my natural curiousity. Tonight, my internal struggle between discomfort with strangers and natural curiousity is headed for a cataclysmic collision as our tablemates approach.

She: she is gorgeous. Starting from the top and working my way down - beautiful blonde hair cascading down to just below her shoulders; brilliant blue eyes; a cute button of a nose and delicious, full (but not fake and puffy) lips; amazing breasts (possibly embellished?) bursting forth from the low cut top she is wearing; cute white sweater over her shoulders; shapely legs stemming from a tiny denim mini-skirt. She's in the lower end of the five foot range but built to amazing proportions. I estimate her age at around twenty-five. She is stunning to look at.

He: He is her exact opposite. He is older, probably fifty something. He walks with a cane and a limp to go with it partially as the result of the special heals on his shoes; his hair is dark and clearly thinning; his face very compact, almost hobbit-like. There is nothing attractive about this gentleman and the only thing the two of them have in common is that he isn't very tall either.

He sits on the end and she sits right next to me. I am immediately made uncomfortable by the proximity of a stranger (I don't like to be touched by strangers no matter how attractive) and even more so by the proximity of her exposed bosom. Attempting a side-long glance to take a further look would be excrutiatingly obvious. I make feeble efforts to pull it off by pretending to look around the restaurant. I suspect that everyone at the table knows what I am doing though I attempt subtlety.

The night pours on. I imbibe in several Asahis with sake bombers. "Charlie", our teppanyaki chef comes out and performs magic with his holstered knife and metal spatula. The obligatory onion fire "volcano" goes off with perfection. Shrimp fly through the air and land precisely on plates...while my obsession continues.

Are they "together"? Like a date? Is He her father? Is She a hooker? Are they friends? Was this a blind date gone wrong?

I want to know.

This continues for an hour and a half while we drink and dine and talk among our group of six. The two of them talk although the restaurant buzz is too loud to hear what they say to one another. God knows I try.

Our six and their two finish eating at the same time. That's how these tables work. We pay our bill at the same time. She pays their bill - odd.

We leave at the same time.

I watch them as they leave. She moves with confidence, grace and beauty as she walks through the restaurant and through the door. He struggles to limp along behind her. She disappears well ahead of him, not waiting for him and seemingly not noticing him falling behind.

I wait in the entryway of the restaurant while part of my group straggles behind taking care of last minute business. Through the door, by the curb, I see Him waiting. She pulls up in a silver Honda Accord; He gets in. They drive away. I stand there.


Tuesday, October 10, 2006

In Training...

Sunday night I ran for the first time in several months. It hurt. I am going again in just a few minutes because I am into self mutilation and masochism. November 12th is the Phoenix New Times 10Kand I want to be able to finish it in under an hour. That doesn't sound like much unless you calculate in the fact that I am presently an out of shape tub of goo.

Sunday I traveled 2 miles by foot. About 3/4 of a mile was at a jog.

I know I can't beat my son with one and a half month of training; I just want to be able to finish the damn race. Because you are all riveted by my progress, I will provide updates as to my progress and training schedule.

Tonight, I am going to try to complete the full 2 miles doing at least an easy jog. We will work on speed later.

Then, this spring...

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Cheating On Erin O'Brien

My son read White Teeth by Zadie Smith and then passed his copy along to me. It took me a while to get to it, but I finished reading it on my trip to Cedar Rapids for my grandmother's funeral. It was a fantastic novel and I highly recommend it...but this post isn't a book review (perhaps it should be?).

A couple of weeks ago, my son invited me to attend an event with him at Arizona State University. It was a reading and book signing by Zadie Smith.

I'm north of 40 years old and I had never been to a book signing before. So I went.

I thoroughly enjoyed the reading and the book signing was quite exciting. I took this picture of my son with Zadie Smith. She is not only beautiful, she also has a lovely soul. The best part of this evening was spending time with my son - who has really grown in so many ways. He has developed an appetite for knowledge and a love for great literature. I can't tell you how much I cherished this evening; sharing something that we both truly enjoyed.

I am looking forward to reading her new book - On Beauty. I will have to buy my own copy this time, because I am pretty certain that he isn't going to loan me his signed copy.

*****But don't forget to read Harvey & Eck by Erin O'Brien before reading anything else. Don't even read the newspaper tomorrow morning until you have finished Harvey & Eck .

Friday, October 06, 2006

My Hiatus

One of the things I did while I took a break from all of you and your annoying questions and pestering messages was - I watched Rockstar: Supernova...and fell in love with Storm Large.

I hope that this doesn't get back to Natasha and Joss Stone.

This song did it for me.

Three Things You Really Need to Understand About Me

1. I have an irrational fear of losing my car keys down that gap between the floor and the elevator. Whenever I enter or exit an elevator, I will put my finger through the middle of my keyring so that, the only way that my keys can fall down into the elevator shaft is by severing my finger.

2. I love the old fashioned family road trip. I want to stuff my entire family into a car and drive around the country. My dilemma is that they will generally have no part of it and my wife has panic attacks when stuck in traffic. I would drive up to 2 hours out of my way to see something like the Giant Musky statue in Hayward, Wisconsin...if they would let me.

3. I refuse to take a dump in a public restroom - unless there is absolutely no other choice (like that time in Vegas). I would rather die or soil myself.

Hopefully, this makes it all a little more clear.

Thursday, October 05, 2006


GET THE LEDD OUT!!! - Click on this link dummy.

This is just like when they banned dancing in Beaumont...well, not really, but...

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I'm an idiot...and I'm going to make somebody responsible for my stupidity


Did you miss me??? I bet you are surprised to find this blog updated. It has been a while. I have several reasons for failing to update regularly. Mostly I have been waiting for Kagamusha to stop stalking me. There have also been some personal reasons...none of which I will bore you with right now.

My Grandmother
January 2006 Post passed away last month at the age of 99 - 3 1/2 months before her 100th birthday. I returned to Iowa for the services and saw relatives I haven't seen in many, many, many years...and unwittingly became embroiled in family politics. Why are people so selfish and stupid?

Anyway, I won't make any promises right now because things are still pretty rocky at the moment between work, home, family, etc. I'm juggling, but I will never be the juggler that