Friday, October 28, 2005

Halloween Party

Tomorrow (Saturday October 29, 2005) is our annual Halloween Party. If you know who I am and where I live, you are invited. I will probably not have a chance to post anything tomorrow because I will be drunk...that's just how I roll.

In any event, I hope to have some photos to post on Sunday (or possibly Monday depending how bad it goes on Saturday).

Because I am aligned with the powers of darkness and evil, I try to do up Halloween the right way...with a keg of beer, costumes and lots of loud music. I am sure that our neighbors hate us when we do this, but it is only once each year. We are otherwise quiet ordinary people...the kind of people that you always here about on the news - "They were quiet and kept to themselves, we never expect that they had bodies in their freezer." So tomorrow is the day we look forward to all house, with 40 or 50 of my closest friends, a keg of beer and some really, really nasty punch that we make every year, OH, and Jello-Shots. We usually make close to 150 Jello-Shots and NEVER have any left in the morning. There's always room for jello!

I took the kids to the local haunted house last night. It was put on by high school kids - what a hoot. Fortunately, I was drunk...because that's just the way that I roll, which makes the entire experience that much more fun.

Tonight - I will finish putting up the decorations and will make 150 plastic shot glasses full of jello-shots. Tomorrow, I pick up the keg and the food trays. I've got the music loaded in the computer and just need to crank it up! Woot!

I am stopping on my way home from work to pick up 5 oysters, a pogo stick and a rectal thermometer - and then my costume will be complete!!!

Stay Tuned!!!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Admitting My Mistakes

I recently read a couple of blog entries in which Garrett (Garrett) made a public apology for one stupid thing or another. It appeared that he received some level of personal satisfaction, relief or joy out of making such public apology, so I thought, "HEY, I would really like to get some level of personal satisfaction, relief or joy..." so, I decided to give it a try. I can only cover a few of my mistakes here...but you can be assured there are many more:

1. As it turns out, Hairy Prison Guard is not Richard Simmons. I have admitted my mistake to him and would like to extend a full fledged apology right here and right now. Hairy, I apologize for mistaking you for Richard Simmons. Hairy has established his own blog. Unlike the Poop On Rosenblatt blog
(Poop On Rosenblatt) , I had nothing to do with the Hairy Prison Guard blog (Stories From a Hairy Prison Guard). I encourage you to visit that site, but do not feel like you need to cry.

2. I apologize to Linda Maloney...just in case she is real and not a creation of Crusher and his sick friends. Linda, I am sorry.
(Linda Maloney)

3. Everything that Dr. Phil says is wrong, I have done at one time or another during my lifetime. Dr. Phil, I am sorry.

4. Damning Erin for withholding information regarding the shoe and the clamp. Erin, I am sorry.

5. For 30+ years of chronic "self stimulation", I apologize to all of the models appearing in the JC Penney catalogue. (JCPenney). I am sorry JC Penney underwear model ladies, you are more than mere sex objects for my personal gratification - you are also excellent marketing techniques for women's undergarments.

6. I would like to apologize for being passive aggressive at times. To those people to whom I have been passive aggressive, I am sorry - you probably know who you are - although, as I told all of my friends behind your backs, you people should take some responsibility for this since it isn't all my fault and it is really your failings that are causing the problem. Anyway, I am sorry - sort of . But, come to think of it, those people sort of piss me off...

7. For all of you that drive too slowly for me when I am going to work - I apologize for flipping you off. Especially that one time that my secretary was on the interstate in front of me, driving slowly, and I didn't recognize her until after I had flipped her off. For that I am sorry.

8. I'm sorry for being drunk...but that's how I roll.

9. Michael J - you know who you are - I thought you were guilty for fondling those boys. The jury said I was wrong and, therefore, I apologize.

10. In one post, I accidentally typed "your" when I meant "you're." I corrected it and tried to cover it up after someone pointed it out to me. I was so humiliated. For being deceptive and covering up my error, I apologize.

I think 10 apologies are enough for one night. I really feel like this has been a growing experience. These public apologies are so liberating.

Please note that I am not sorry for using "Rosenblatt" as a euphemism for "poop."

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

On Drinking (Red) Wine

If it was good enough for King Tut, then it's good enough for me!!!

King Tut

Identity of Hairy Prison Guard Revealed!!

Over the course of the past couple of weeks, I have received multiple comments from a blog reader that does not have an official, Google assigned blog identity and his/her name is "hairy prison guard. I believe there have been some variations on the name, but the name "hairy prison guard" seems to be the common and most consistent usage.

After a significant amount of investigative research (and with help from the Google spies who have infiltrated every computer on the planet by the time of this writing) I was able to track down the true identity of this individual calling himself/herself hairy prison guard.

It is now time for the unveiling. Hairy prison guard is:

hairy prison guard

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

On Being A Hero...

Rosa Parks

Rosa Parks died Monday at the age of 92. I have tremendous respect for Rosa - she told the man where to put it. We need more Rosa Parks.

I think there is a lot of confusion (MOSTLY CAUSED BY THE MEDIA) regarding what really constitutes a heroic act.

Heroic means exhibiting or marked by courage and daring; supremely noble or self-sacrificing. I have watched the television media refer to people many times as heroes or heroic for doing something to save themselves. Some moron that does something stupid and then has to overcome great adversity to survive is NOT a hero. They are a survivor. Such person has not made a noble or self-sacrificing act - no, they have done exactly the opposite. They have made a self-PRESERVING act.

Rosa climbed on the bus in 1955 and sat down...not because she thought she was special, but because she thought that this act (which exposed her to physical attack and arrest) would, in some way benefit mankind; it did. She received very little direct personal benefit from this act. It was supremely noble, self sacrificing, courageous and daring. That is heroic.

Pulled from a CNN story about Tiger Woods: Presidents Cup hero Chris DiMarco, who drained the final putt to secure victory for the U.S. at Lake Manassas, Virginia, is the only other member of the top 10 to tee it up at Walt Disney World's Magnolia and Palm Golf Clubs that will co-host the event.

President's Cup "hero"?!?! What was supremely noble and self-sacrificing about making a putt to secure victory in a golf tournament? Isn't winning a sporting event a selfish act (winning) and not a selfless act (sacrifice)? Chris DiMarco may be a hero for other reasons, but the media completely missed the mark using the term "hero" here. How about using the word "star" or "outstanding player"? Adjectives such as these work fine here without cheapening what it means to be a hero.

Rosa Parks made a noble and selfless act and is a hero.
Chris DiMarco made a great putt and is a golfer of note.
I hope the distinction is clear.

Rant #2

While on the media rant, I was listening to the radio this afternoon and the news report was about hurricane Wilma. The report covered people that lived in the path of the hurricane in mobile homes that were ordered to evacuate, didn't and then called the police when their homes began collapsing expecting the local police to come to their rescue. What the hell. These MORONS calling the police and/or fire department to come to their rescue and risk their own life and limb to save them from their own horrible decision.

Let's see...I live in a poorly constructed structure and I know, absolutely, for a fact, that a hurricane is coming. I can either (a) evacuate for 2 days or (b) crack open my bottle of Jack and hang on to my valuables (including my entire collection of Penthouse that I built up over the last 3 years) and ride it out. Then, when I realize that my poorly constructed structure is about to collapse on top of me, I call someone and expect them to come out into the highly hazardous environment to save my ass.

This country has become a society of victims. We expect the government to bail us out every time we make a stupid mistake. If you make a choice like this on your own after advice, then you should live (or die) with the consequences. Some poor police officer should not risk death due to your lack of the ability to think rationally.

It is not the responsiblity of the government to protect us from our own stupid acts; it is our responsibility to endeavor to avoid being stupid.

Monday, October 24, 2005

On Being a Tourist (dedicated to Crusher)

I am a fucking tourist. I thought about this fact all day long after Crusher threw down the "tourist" gauntlet and I was able to come to only that one conclusion.

According to Webster's dictionary, a tourist is - "one that makes a tour for pleasure or culture."

Applying the definition to the facts, I would have to admit that I have made a tour for pleasure or culture on many occasion.

I have to admit that I love to hit the highway for road trips either on FLMNG1 or in the car. Furthermore, when I do hit the highway, I love to stop at the roadside attractions whether they be the the ball of twine (The Ball of Twine), the Thing (The Thing), Sea Lion Cave (Sea Lion Caves), the meteor crater (Meteor Crater) , the world's highest fountain (The Fountain Hills Fountain) and even (the Sun Dial). I love this stuff.

Quite frankly, the hokier and cornier it is, the more I get off on it. These places are pleasurable and an amazing study of the culture that is the United States...or the lack of culture, but even that is interesting. The U.S. may not have castles and architecture from the 10th century or temples that are thousands of years old, but damn it, we have the world's largest sun dial. You know the French are insanely jealous! Check this out, do you think they have sculptures like this in the Louvre?? (Dinosaurs) Hell, no. The Louvre is all serious with all this old art and you are expected to file by very properly and quietly admire its beauty. American art such as this is intended to elicit the emotional response of "WHAT THE F#$@ IS THAT?" Pleasure and culture all wrapped up into two giant concrete dinosaurs. I stopped. I took pictures. I would do it again. It was a hoot.

I also stopped at every possible light house between Los Angeles and Lincoln City, Oregon. Just ask Scott. It's true. Love the lighthouse and its historical purpose and signifcance. I am nostalgic about the rocky shores and the sailors out to sea approaching those rocky shores. All the lives lost on the rocks and all the lives potentially saved by the beacon and the soulful signal of the fog horn. I toured each and every lighthouse that would let me in. Out of this I received a tremendous amount of pleasure and little tidbits of history, architecture and beauty (aka culture).

However, I believe that Crusher may have meant something even more derogatory when he referred to me as a tourist. His comment came in relation to his reference to reading Kerouac. I inferred from his statement that one who read only "On the Road" was merely a "tourist" and not a real student of the meaning of Kerouac's work; a pretender. I might be. I don't know. I don't care. I can live with that.

I read the books. I enjoyed the books. But did I really gather all of the nuggets and meaning and significance out of those Kerouac novels. If, as Truman Capote said, Kerouac isn't writing, it is just typing, I got it. I read the words.

If the words of Kerouac contained something deeper and more meaningful, I can't guarantee that I got it all.

But you know what? I stopped. I took pictures. I would do it again. It was a hoot. I made a tour through Kerouac for pleasure or culture. I am a fucking tourist.

Sunday, October 23, 2005


I spent some time this morning searching my files for a photo of FLMNG1...and found this one! FLMNG1 is the silver and white Honda Shadow 1100 ACE. The other motorcycle in this picture belongs to Scott - a charter member of the Pink Flamingos Motorcycle Club. His bike is a Harley Davidson Electra Glide Standard. This picture was taken near the end of the paved portion of the Apache Trail, about 5 miles past Tortilla Flat a little northeast of Phoenix (North of Apache Junction if you know the area). We put about 180 miles under us on this day. Lunch at Tortilla Flat was great...the food is passable, but the experience is great.

These two motorcycles, along with their badass riders, left Phoenix, Arizona on July 10, 2004 on I-10 headed west. When we hit the Santa Monica pier (actually just before you hit the pier as they do not allow vehicles on the pier) we took a right and hugged the coast for the next 1000 miles up the Pacific Coast Highway.

I hear people babble nostalgia all the time about Route 66. You can have it. If you haven't had the opportunity to do so, I highly recommend a drive up any portion of the Pacific Coast Highway. There really isn't a bad stretch.

We had 10 days - which was great, but didn't allow us as much time to really stop and see the sites as we would have liked. Areas I would return to tomorrow if given the chance:

  • Big Sur - Awesome!
  • San Francisco - the ride across the Golden Gate Bridge was one of the highlights of the ride
  • North of San Francisco to Stinson Beach - some of the most beautiful scenery in the world.
  • Northern California - the Redwood Forests - it would be worth spending a week there (I would have loved to stop at all of the Bigfoot sites!!!)
  • Bandon Oregon - one of the neatest little towns I have ever visited. Cool Bed and Breakfast spots.
If I can find some pictures of our ride, I will post them.

Friday, October 21, 2005


Everybody Loves Caroline!!!
Go To the Rosenblatt Tribute Site Now!!! Rosenblatt Eats It No Waiting!!! All Are Welcome! No shoes, no shirt, no service.
You have seen Caroline's picture now here is FURTHER EVIDENCE HOBBITS ARE REAL: Link to Hobbits Are Real!!!

URL Proficiency

Rosenblatt eats it

A special thanks to Mr. Juggler for assisting me with the amazing world of URL. You can see what horrible powers it has given me. Fear me.

Why Am I URL Deficient???

It has been suggested that I might improve my blog with a more thorough understanding of URLs so that the links that I have embedded aren't so unruly. Honestly, I do not know how. I need the Remedial Blogworking Class so that I can do this. Your help and donations would be greatly appreciated.

If I was proficient blogmaster, I would already have added a catchy sound clip to this site. Something motivational like a snippet from the theme from Karate Kid ("You're The Best") or perhaps something catchy like Everybody Was Kung Fu that every time you came to this blog you would leave with that damn song going through your head.

Anyway, I will endeavor to persevere.

Trivia Question: Where is the quote "Endeavor to persevere" from?


Go to this site for important information: Warning!!!! This could happen to you

You've been warned.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

One of my favorite Blogs

This is called - Bifurcated Rivets. The Blogman is located in the UK and he basically has a running list of links to quirky websites. The best ones are usually labled "Hmmmm" or "Odd"...

Give it a try. Unless you are skeered.

More Clamor From the Fans

The Windmill Inn - Buellton

Anderson's Split Pea...and my Sweet Peas!!

Lifeguard Training - jumping off the end of Pismo Beach Pier (I did not do this).

Avila Beach - the next day, this beach was closed due to a major sewage spill. One year ago, this town was bulldozered due to an oil leak from storage tanks...something tells me that humans are not doing a great job of taking care of this area. It was beautiful and it was a crying shame what has happened to this area.

The demand for more pictures was overwhelming! I hate to disappoint my fans, because without my fans, this Blog would not be possible...

So, Mr. or Ms. Fan of the Born To Flock Blog Hosted by Flamingo1, here are your photos!!

A healthy breakfast at the Solvang Restaurant: abfelskever and Danish Sausage..mmmm!!

A pelican landing on the pier at Pismo Beach. Please note that pelicans cannot be members of the Pink Flamingos (by definition).


HUGE game this weekend for the Hawkeyes. 22 game home winning streak on the line and Michigan coming to Kinnick. This would be a fantastic way to extend the home winning streak - GO HAWKS!!!!

Join me at the Sandbar on Scottsdale Road to watch the game!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Pictures for your enjoyment

Wine aging in barrels at Firestone Vineyard/Winery
Landscape just east of Santa Barbara

That's me tasting a little wine at the Sanford tasting room. You might recognize Chris from the movie!

Must Sleep

I keep nodding off while sitting here. I think I have narcolepsy.

Working From Home

I am "working from home" this morning. Working from home so far has included:

1. spending an hour from 7:00a.m. to 8:00a.m. at the local high school getting my nephew signed up so that he can start classes...he has been out of school since moving here on Friday.

2. Since I don't have a car today, walked home from the school...15 minutes.

2. from 8:15 to 10:00, I logged on, replied to some e-mails and checked voicemail.

3. 10:00 - 11:00 - back to high school so my nephew can take a test, meet with the counselor and register for classes.

4. Walked home again...11:15 (feet starting to hurt)

5. Logged on to system, replied to e-mails, made lunch.

I plan to stop working from home and actually work from work at around 1:00....then maybe I will actually get something done. I am glad to have the high school registration finished, but now I really have to get caught up at work. Between the time off for the back problems and the relocation issues, I have really fallen behind on my workload.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Good Evening

Dinner is over and I now have time to sit back and contemplate the happenings of the day with my feet up on the ottoman, the laptop propped on my lap and a good cigar smoldering in an ashtray next to me. I look forward to this moment when I can relax at the end of the day. Some evenings I use this time to play a little on-line poker at Sometimes I use this time to watch Dog - The Bounty Hunter. I'm flexible.

Dog kicks ass.

It has been raining here for the last two days (off and on). Last night it was raining so hard it woke me up. We had hail, too. Sort of unusual for Phoenix, and certainly a nice change.

Dinner tonight was a nice New York strip, a baked potato and a bottle of wine that I bought from the Firestone winery in early August when we went on our "Sideways" trip. I bought 50 bottles of wine on that trip and I have 5 left....I like wine.

I don't like wine in the "I detect a slight flutter of edam cheese" way. I like wine that tastes good to me. I really don't feel the need to analyze why I like it if I like it any more than I need to analyze a song that I like. I like it because it feels good to me in some way. When I start analyzing why I like it, it becomes far too much work to be enjoyable.

Cigar, wine, rainy night, dinner with the wife and three kids (I now have 3 - our 20 year old, our 14 year old and my 16 year old nephew that is going to live with us from now on). It has been a pretty nice night. I do wonder why my 20 year old son is so uptight. Wonder where that came from?!?!

I went to physical therapy today at 3:00. My physical therapist is about 5'0" and probably weighs 98 pounds. Today she wrapped me up and popped my back. It probably looked like a chipmunk attacking a grizzly bear (a hairless grizzly bear?). I have been diagnosed with a compressed nerve between L5 and S1. All I know is that it hurts...but I didn't cry.

Good sharing with you. Write if you find work.

Not a Member of the Club

I took this picture just outside of Solvang, California.

This is not a Flamingo.


This is one of the members of the Pink Flamingo Motorcycle Club....Code Name: Bloodgood.

Great Mullet

Who doesn't think Johnny Damon's mullet is dreamy?!?!?!

Monday, October 17, 2005

Rain and Pain

Rode FlamingOne to work today...and it has rained like hell for the last 3 hours. I will not be riding FlamingOne home this evening.

My back has now been out of whack for almost 4 weeks. Hating life. Want the back to get better so I can ride.

-Last Ride - Poker Run starting at Cliff's Castle Casino. Rode 90 miles from Scottsdale to the Casino, signed in and then did about 130 mile loop poker run. Ate lunch in Flagsaff with my son and his friends and finished up back at the casino. The following day, I went down with the back problem and haven't recovered.

-Best Ride - Pacific Coast Highway. July 10, 2004 to July 18, 2004. Took I-10 West from Phoenix to Santa Monica and took a right. Took the PCH all the way to Portland. Returned through Central Oregon, North Central California (Mt. Shasta), Sacramento, Yosemite National Park, Barstow, Needles, Kingman, Wickenburg.

I will post pictures of FlamingOne soon. Stay tuned.

The Pink Flamingos Motorcycle Club is a badass bunch of bikers that rides the highways. We aren't afraid to wear pink and we're not afraid to sing show tunes. So tough and manly that we aren't required to act tough and manly.