Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Bloodgood is The Man!

Bloodgood is The Man!

If you have been an avid reader of Born To Flock since its inception, you will recall my prior post concerning the origins of the Pink Flamingo Motorcycle Club. If you have not been an avid reader of Born to Flock since its inception then you must immediately go back and start from the beginning and read everything up through the prior post.

I'll wait....

Ok, by this time, everyone has read this post:
Pink Flamingo Motorcycle Club: The Beginning

Bloodgood designed and printed the shirts shown in that entry. I love them. From the day the Pink Flamingo Motorcycle Club was conceived within the folds of my twisted brain, I wanted shirts and Bloodgood hit the nail on the head when I called him and asked him to help put something together.

He runs his own screenprinting business in Portland Oregon and he does fantastic stuff. I have seen many, many samples.

Bloodgood has created the second generation Pink Flamingos Motorcycle Club apparel and I love it. I want to share it with you. Click on the link to his site and check them out!

There have already been requests from Jungle Jane and others...But let me just make it absolutely clear - not everyone is cut out to be a Pink Flamingo. Ask yourself, are you bad enough?

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Visitor from Blogland and Serious Soul Searching

When I lived in Iowa, January was the month of the year that I held with the most disdain. It is a long, brutally cold period of time in which there is little to do but scrape windshields, jump-start your car and generally hibernate. January had no redeeming qualities.

January is now my favorite month of the year. It is usually 70 degrees here during January, the sun is almost always out and it is the time of year when we Phoenicians can get outside and enjoy ourselves. We get numerous visitors this time of year and I love it. Having visitors gives me an excuse to do the things that I love to do. I am a
tourist and I love hanging out at tourist traps as well as quirky out of the way places.

As I have previously mentioned, I have become addicted to this blog thing. On Saturday my world of being a tourist collided with my world on the blog.
Jim Crall is in Phoenix on business and we have been trying to find a time to meet and it hasn't been easy. Saturday, I set my sites on making the meeting happen and we finally got in touch with each other.

I phoned Jim at around 10:30...no answer - so I left a voicemail message and asked him to call me back.

At around 11:15, Jim returned my call and left me a voicemail. I would learn later that he had been out the night before to a local establishment and was feeling a little rough. I knew I was going to like him.

We finally spoke in person to one another about 20 minutes later and made arrangements to meet at 4:30. I gave him directions to the meeting place. I also mentioned that his co-worker was more than welcome to join us if he would like.

At 4:30 we met at a shopping center. about 5 miles from my house. I picked him up and we headed north toward Cave Creek/Carefree. Just a little drive out of the way, off Pima Road, is a place called Greasewood Flat. As we arrived at Greasewood Flat, I asked Jim why his co-worker declined the invitation and his answer makes me laugh still.

Apparently, this little meeting was viewed by said co-worker as "kind of creepy" because he met me on the internet. He warned Jim that he was meeting some guy that called himself a "Pink Flamingo" and went by the name of Flamingo1. I think the quote was something like, "Dude, you are going to end up out in the desert somewhere tied up with your pants around your ankles." Jim - you may correct this quote if you would like, but I think that captures the true spirit of said co-worker's comments. If you swing over to Jim's site, you can see a picture of Rob - whom I believe the quote is attributed.

When you think about it, he makes a pretty good point and frankly the same thought had crossed my mind - which is why I brought Marcus (the pool boy) as my main wingman.

In any event, we headed into this place -

Greasewood is a collection of shacks surrounding a collection of picnic table. It draws in tourists, families, bikers and....us.

I guess it is a "bar" using the term very loosely. But it is a bar without walls (mostly).

At night, they light the fire pits; you can purchase marshmallows to roast; they sell burgers, hotdogs, chili and such. I usually stick with a burger and beer - but the chili is fantastic.

I pulled this picture off the internet - but this is what it looks like. At this point, I was a little hesitant to pull the camera out and start snapping pictures - especially because I wasn't yet willing to be the subject of any of those photographs for public display on the blog. It was a quandary that worried me all afternoon.

Jim had a camera with him and I had a camera with me. How was I going to avoid the loss of my anonymity?

Jim, Marquez (the Pool Boy) and I sat here at Greasewood Flat and drank a few beers and ate one of the best burgers in town. I hear there are better elsewhere, but the burger here is pretty darn good. The best part is that you get to sit outside in the sun and eat your burger which makes it taste that much better.

As we sat there at our picnic table in the middle of Greasewood Flat, Jim received a phone call from his brother
Dan. Dan asked to speak to me and we chatted on Jim's cell phone for about 10 minutes. My fears of being dragged into the desert to never be seen again abated very quickly.

As the sun started to set, we went to the far side of the gravel parking lot which blends into the desert; the dividing line being the point at which desert plants appeared. We hiked up a small hill into a piece of the desert to take a couple of photos. The sun was starting to set and the light was fading but we managed to take a few pictures. Jim wanted a picture standing next to a saguaro cactus. Even after living here for ten years, I am still amazed by these giant tree-like cacti.

Please enjoy the montage of photos that follow. I think the fading light adds an interesting effect to the prickly plants populating the Sonoran desert surrounding Phoenix. I have posted a sunset picture on my blog previously and have had several people comment on how beautiful it was - my secret is that I let the sun and the mountains do most of the work. There are beautiful sunsets here nightly. You just have to be somewhere to watch.



After snapping a few photos in the desert, we decided to move on. We headed even further north to a micro-brew that I enjoy in Cave Creek, Arizona. It is connected to a restaurant called Crazy Ed's Satisfied Frog. The brewery portion of the operation is called the Black Mountain Brewery. The reason: it is located at the base of Black Mountain. Black Mountain Brewery is famous (or infamous) for its Cave Creek Chili Beer. It is a bottled beer that contains a little kicker - an inch and a half long jalapeno pepper. Go here to see more about the Black Mountain Brewery:
Chili Beer .

As you can see from the photo, this place has ambiance. They are home of the $199.95 margarita. We actually saw someone drinking the $199.95 margarita while we were there. They were half price on Saturday night...but we stuck to the beer. They actually make a fantastic amber called Ocotillo Amber. The South of the Border Porter has a bit more zing to it. I had a few of each. Jim had a couple Frog Lights and a Black Mountain Gold. Mmmm....beer.

We also walked around the little tourist shops that ring Crazy Ed's Satisfied Frog and Jim bought a few souvenirs. I'm an old guy, so as it approached 10:00, we decided it was time to head back to town.

I knew Jim had several photos of me on his camera. I also had several photos of Jim on my camera. I had been thinking about this all night long and it seemed silly to me. I have probably half a dozen people that I know that read my blog all the time. If someone I knew stumbled across this blog by accident, it would take them roughly 5 minutes to figure out who I am. My kids are on here. Flmng1 is pictured on here several times. My life has been pretty much put out there on this thing. I may be anonymous, but I write truths about who I really am all over this thing. The only part of anonymity is what my name is and what I look like.

So after much soul searching...

here I am with Jim.

Please note that it had been a long day outside and I need a haircut (or need to cut what hair I have remaining). I am the old guy on the left.

Jim, I hope you enjoyed yourself. I had a blast. Thanks!

Saturday, January 28, 2006


Today Erin O'Brien left a comment on my last posting. Her comment read:

"Frey. Flava. Oprah. Rats.


These guys are getting all my press. "

I am here to rectify that situation, Erin O'Brien...COME ON DOWN!!! YOU ARE THE 2000TH VISITOR TO BORN TO FLOCK!!!

While you do not win a
brand new car, you do win this special feature on Born to Flock. Today' s post is all about Erin O'Brien and why I love Erin O'Brien.

I will start with the obvious reasons why I love
Erin O'Brien. Erin O'Brien is sexy, bawdy, beautiful, brilliant and extremely talented. Her writing style sucks you in. It makes you want to read more. Even a simple posting about kitsch makes you want to know more about Erin O'Brien.

I love how
Erin O'Brien purrs at a comment that I have left for her. Erin O'Brien also knows what the readers really want - big breasts.

Confidential to Erin: I realize that your post on big breasts was really a social commentary on how stupid men (and sometimes women) can be, however dangling the phrase "big breasts" out there is always good for a couple of hits on your blog address - no need to thank me because this is all about you!!

Erin O'Brien has provided me with much inspiration and direction in my personal life. She reminded me that I should not eff up. She has also impacted my writing style significantly. I am one of those individuals who would write things in CAPITAL LETTERS to make them seem more important; she believes this practice is condescending to the reader. After much introspection and consideration of Erin O'Brien's point on this subject, I made a conscious effort to stop writing things in CAPITAL LETTERS so that I avoid shoving my words down the reader's throat. I can't recall on which posting Erin O'Brien made that statement, but it has stuck with me since reading it.

Since those long ago days of high school, I have been enamored by authors. I used to daydream about writing letters to Kurt Vonnegut and John Irving - two of my (three) favorite authors that are presently living and, I believe, still writing. I always imagined what I might say to these people whom I admired so much. It has meant the world to me to be able to correspond with someone like
Erin O'Brien for this very reason.

Authors and writers such as
Erin O'Brien should be held in high esteem; they should be treated like rock stars or famous actors. A good author has every bit as much ability to bring out emotion and to provide life changing moments for others as any musicion or actor. I have been more profoundly impacted during my lifetime by great writing than by any music or film. Erin O'Brien has provided such a life changing experience for me - both through her novel - Harvey & Eck - her blog - The Erin O'Brien Owner's Manual for Human Beings and through all of the correspondence that has flowed between us over these last several months.

Erin O'Brien I know you already know this and it does not NEED to be said here, but I love and respect
you. You are hereby made an honorary member of the
Pink Flamingos Motorcycle Club.

Confidential to
Erin O'Brien: please do not feel that my capitalization of the word "NEED" above was condescending in any way.

Thursday, January 26, 2006


I have been very lax in my posting lately. I have, as Nowhere Girl stated on her site, relied on several fluff posts lately. Yes, out of pure laziness, I have taken the easy way out a couple of times and I am not pleased with that. I started Born to Flock because my job can kill your creative soul and this damn thing stimulates my creativity in a way that it has not been stimulated in a very long time. So I have tried to resist fluff posts as much as possible - yet I have fallen into the trap; I have succumbed to the fluff post.

But I have a good excuse.

Since the Flavor of Love show started, I have been mesmerised. Who can break away? Wearing giant clocks around his neck and voting girls out of his life. That's pure gold. Flava Flav!!!!

Can you believe this guy was a badass with Public Enemy back in the day? From Public Enemy to Surreal Life and then to the show with Brigitte Nielsen, Flava has really shown his range.

The leap to "reality" tv is complete. If you haven't watched Flavor of Love, please stop reading this immediately and thank God that you haven't wasted those hours of your life.


My wife watched tonight's episode of Oprah in which she ripped James Frey a new ass. It was painful to watch.
Ok, he said it was the story of his life. Oprah believed him. Half of the country believed him. Perhaps he should have been more forthcoming in stating that parts of this book were embellished.

Who doesn't embellish the story when telling about their own lives.

Did anyone bitch at Bill Clinton after they published his book? How much of that do you think was true. Did he embellish? Did he change the facts?

You bet he did.

I read the autobiography of Malcom X and, while it was an excellent book, I am certain that it wasn't precisely honest in every instance. I believe he made every effort to make it truthful but there were portions that you tweak either to make more interesting or to make yourself feel better (look better) in the situation.

I haven't read the book, but everyone tells me it was well written. If it was well written, enjoy it and shut the hell up.

Finally, we come to rat play time.

Rat playtime has become a tradition at our house. Every night almost the entire family gathers together to play with these creepy little bastards.

There are two of them. Both are females. They don't even have real names. Sometimes they are called Babi and Zedi - but that is sort of stupid since that means grandma and grandpa in Hebrew. They are both female and we aren't Jewish.

I should have put this on my tag regarding weird habits because in my house, this has become a habit.

We now have two dogs, two cats, two rats and three kids. Now you really know why I spend all of my time on this blog.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

While Iron Man is cool.....

I would rather be....


Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Your results:
You are Iron Man
Iron Man
Green Lantern
The Flash
Wonder Woman
Inventor. Businessman. Genius.
Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Monday, January 23, 2006

Crap - It Appears I have Been Tagged

Which means that I am subjected to the torture of the equivalent of a 21st Century chain letter. Since Erin O'Brien gave me absolutely no direction with regard to the rules of being tagged, I feel no obligation to pass them along to those lucky ones that I choose to "tag."

Why should you have it easier than I do? I mean, after all, I am here busting my ass to make this whole thing happen with little or no guidance...

Moving on to the main event!

My Five Weird Habits:

1. When I walk into an elevator I have to put my finger through the key ring and close the circle with my thumb so that I cannot drop my keys down that little gap that goes into the elevator shaft. This has never happened to me before and as far as I can remember, it has never happened to anyone that I know. But for some reason I have an irrational fear of dropping my keys into the elevator shaft. Thus I have developed this habit of putting my finger through the ring.

2. I hate being touched by strangers (or even acquaintences). Other than shaking hands and very informal contact, I do what I can to avoid touching people. This is why I hate being in the middle seat on an airplane. I am a relatively large person and I spend the entire flight bunched up so my shoulders, arms, hands and legs are always several inches away from the person next to me.

3. I constantly look in the refrigerator...fully knowing that the same stuff that was there an hour ago is still there now. I just want to look at it.

4. I can channel surf using my tv remote control even after I fall asleep in a chair. Is this a habit or just mad remote control skills? You be the judge.

5. I have become an obsessed blogger. I check the messages with Pavlovian regularity, my drooling response constantly triggered by the prospect of having a message from you...whoever you are.

Now apparently it seems that I need to give up 5 more of you unlucky bastards.

I pick:




Jesus Toast

Nowhere GUY

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Blogs of Note

Well, it is that time again. Time to update Blogs of Note to move out those that I just don't keep up with regularly and move in those blogs that I want to read on a regular basis.

As I have mentioned countless number of times, you are all placed on this planet and on the blogosphere for my entertainment. Blogs of Note is all about entertaining me. The easier it is to get to my favorites, the better.


Please welcome
Jesus Christ/Bill the Apostle and Satan/I Get Behind Thee to Blogs of Note. I'm a little concerned about adding Jesus and Bill because the blog is relatively new and has not been updated since sometime last week (Tuesday?). Up to this point, however it has kept me entertained. The question is will these super powers of religion have any staying power on Blogs of Note?

Also please welcome
Captain Carl. Captain Carl has taken me back to Pee Wee's playhouse. Crallspace went there for one entry a few weeks ago, but this site has taken the Pee Wee tribute to a whole new level.

I have also added
Dorian Gray because his concept amuses me. Like Jesus/Satan I hope that he will continue to pump out material to continue to entertain me.

And last, but certainly not least, welcome
Ing. I have seen Ing making the rounds the last few weeks and her snide comments laced with innuendo and mean-spiritedness have really touched me deep in my black and rotted soul.

LAST MINUTE ADDITION: Drunkbh - just because she has a great rack.

Now dance, puppets, dance.


I had to say goodbye to the rest of the Purvis gang. God knows I loved you guys. Omar was genius. Chuck Dawson was also a dear friend. But no posts! I stopped checking after a while and then it became much easier to say goodbye. I also said goodbye to Tuna Girl. I liked reading her stuff once in a while but there has been a lot more excitement elsewhere so I had stopped going there as well. Additionally, she never stopped by my site - ever. Bad mistake.


Thursday, January 19, 2006

Happy Birthday

Tomorrow is my baby's 15th birthday. She is a nut. She is the life of the party. She is non-stop energy, fun and entertainment. I like to think she takes after her dad.

I get to spend my lunch hour with her on her special day.

Happy Birthday Punkin!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Donny Most and Assisted Suicide

Who knows when and if Donny Most will ever do anything cool. I decided to go ahead and post the picture of Donny Most and fulfill all of the blogging goals that I set for myself when I started this blog.

Life is good; I feel complete and can die a happy man.

Now moving on to less important things....

Assisted Suicide

I was pleased to see this decision come down from the Supreme Court. It gives me hope that the Supreme Court is indeed in touch with the general population of the United States and it gives me comfort to know that I may have this option if I am ever terminally ill.

I left a comment at
Ranando Report regarding this issue earlier today and I note that someone named Echotig responded. It is an interesting debate. Echotig seems to believe that we should leave the medical profession out of this. However I think this is part of the medical care that I expect from my physician.

I expect my doctor to advise me about the physical condition of my body. Based on that advise, I should be permitted to make a decision about my care or about whether to end my life through. Once I make that decison, I would expect my doctor to assist with the treatment on which I have decided.

I am an attorney. I have clients come to me with issues all of the time. I look at their documents and review their issues and then give them advice on the potential ways to proceed with their issue and the risks associated with each choice. The client then decides which action to take. I don't send them off to draft their own documents; I draft the documents and assist them through to the end of their legal matter.

Why should we expect less than that from our physicians.

As I said in my comments to Ranando's post - if it was a dog, we would have it euthanized and call it humane. I agree with Echotig that death is not dignified no matter how it happens, but I disagree with him regarding the medical profession not being responsible for this. One misstatement made by Echotig is his statement that the medical professional would decide when you die. That is not the way it works. The medical professional would not have the power to decide whether you live or die for you, but once you made that decision, they would and should respect it and assist it so that it is as humane as possible.

Further, Echotig mentioned that God did not promise that we would not suffer and does not owe us that. I find it ridiculous that anyone would make the counter-assumption that God would want us to suffer and I hope that isn't what he is suggesting. God may not owe us freedom from suffering, but my God is not cruel and would not require people to suffer either. We each have freedom of choice and this is the most fundamental choice of all.

70s Stud Leif Garrett

As shocking as it may be to everyone, Leif Garrett was arrested in Los Angeles for drug possesion.

Leif Garrett

While I am shocked, this finally gives me a valid reason to put Leif Garrett's picture on my blog.

I can't wait until Donny Most does something cool!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Return From the Foreign Land

The trip to Mexico was incredible. Marquez, Daughter and Flamingo1 spent an absolutely phenomenal day on the road.

Crossing the border into Nogales, Sonora, Mexico

Mandatory tourist fare.

On the way home, we stopped at Picacho Peak, Arizona to feed the ostriches.

Jesus Christ, look out! These bastards are mean as hell.

...and then we rode off into the beautiful Arizona sunset just like John Wayne.

I smoked a cuban cigar, bought a beautiful bottle of tequila and a new mexican blanket. Marquez bought a Mexican wrestling mask (I already have one), a pancho and a new hat. Daughter REALLY REALLY wanted a knockoff purse but they wouldn't come down to the amount she had in her budget. She still had a blast.

South of the Border

No, you filthy animals, this is not going to be a post involving your favorite sexual act. You really need to pull your mind out of the gutter before Jesus Christ and Satan catch wind of your perversity.

I'm headed south of the border this morning. We got up early this morning and are headed to a border town -----NOGALES! It is about 3 hours from Phoenix and I am warming up the Ipod!! Woot!!

I didn't take the picture, but it was taken in Nogales. It is really a shit hole but its fun and Marquez the pool boy has never been there before. I am going to take my camera today and hopefully I will have some pictures to share.

Can you really have too many blankets or too much pottery?

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Continuing Legal Education

I spent the last 2 1/2 days at a seminar called "Real Estate Financing Documentation - Strategies for Changing Times." Thus I have had little or no computer time and have not been around checking comments, leaving comments or making any new posts. It was my own personal hell. I finished today's session with a full hour of ethics - YIPPEE!!!

During that period of time, it appears that Jesus Christ and Satan have blogs and are going toe to toe on several sites.

While I am amused and am somewhat tempted to add them to Blogs of Note, I fear that they will be Purvis-like flashes in the pan. I will go to the trouble to add them and then there will be an untimely death or suicide (or crucifixtion) which will then leave me with an Omar situation. While I love the genius that is Cracker Thieved My Melon, I need more consistency. I just do.

I spent much of this afternoon putting more songs on my computer and then moving them onto my Ipod. I put the entire boxed set of Led Zeppelin on my Ipod today. Ahh, the good ole days of real rock and roll music.

Led Zeppelin, The Who, Floyd - their music is solid. I can listen to it for hours.

The Ipod is only half full (see, I am an optimist, I didn't say that it was half empty!). I welcome your suggestions on what other tunes to add. My son has this gadget that permits you to play the Ipod through your car radio. I can't wait for my next long road trip.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

How Would Alito Rule?

Pregnant/HOV Lane

That's right - Arizona courts have ruled that a fetus is not a "Person" - at least not when you are attempting to drive in the carpool lane.

I am hoping that this gets appealed. Wouldn't you love to see a traffic ticket make it to the Supreme Court?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Mormon and the F-Bomb

A good friend of mine (for the sake of protecting his identity, we will call him TT) is a Mormon.

Yes, it is true that a pathetic, souless wretch of an agnostic, hell-bound, friend of Satan like me has a Mormon friend. I don't tell many people this as it would completely ruin my reputation - which, as you can tell, I have gone to great lengths to develop. Since I know virtually none of you other than through this medium, I feel that I can both admit my friendship with said Mormon dude while, at the same time, maintaining my status as the anti-Christ. I think this entry will seal the latter status.

TT is as sweet and innocent as any Mormon boy from Mesa, AZ could possibly be. He is active in his church/temple/parish. He has a lovely family. He follows all the rules of Mormon life.

Which is why it has been my lifelong goal to corrupt him.

My first effort came following a lengthy discussion of movies. The conversation eventually turned to Guy Ritchie movies. Why it turned to Guy Ritchie movies will forever be a mystery to me, yet that is where the conversation led.

During said discussion, TT said, "Hey, have you seen that one with Brad Pitt in it...I can't remember the name of it."

The group attending lunch with him struggled to come up with the name of the movie and subsequently moved on. Not TT, however. He continued to struggle to come up with the name of the film the remainder of the lunch hour, the ride back to the office and for a short period of time thereafter. Somehow TT either remembered the name of the film or looked it up on the internet. In any event, he sent this e-mail:

"I was thinking of Snatch."

To which one of the females in our group replied, "That's all you guys ever think about."

The rest of us fell out laughing. TT sat there staring at his screen perplexed. He knew it meant something, but wasn't certain exactly what. Fortunately for TT, he came to me and I taught him the meaning of that term. I relished how red his face became as I explained. It was priceless.

My second major effort to corrupt TT occurred more recently. During an e-mail exchange, I mentioned something to the effect that he should become a "fluffer." To avoid having to face the humiliation of having me explain what a fluffer is, TT took matters into his own hands and did a Yahoo search for "fluffer." He shoots, he scores. Evil-doers 2 - Mormons 0. Somewhere out in cyberspace is electronic evidence that our fair-haired, clean-cut TT has been doing internet research on fluffers!!

Near complete corruption occurred within the last couple fo weeks and I am sorry to say that I was not present for his downfall. Apparently a major decision on a case he was working on was issued...and the request for summary judgment and dismissal of his client was denied. Our reverent Mormon friend dropped the F-Bomb. I am so proud!

Given his precipitous decline, I am almost certain that we will all be hitting the nudie bar this weekend - with TT leading the way.

Monday, January 09, 2006

More From Ranando's Site

This post made me laugh and I wanted to repeat it here for that reason:

Terrorists Kidnap Fish

I Hope This is What Mine Says

Stolen from Ranando

Benson Says It All

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Sunday Morning Blogtime


Blogs of Note change - I have been reading a lot of Jungle Jane lately and I believe she produces the kind of product that I find entertaining. That's right, penis, vagina and fart comments. Her profile says that she is from Australia - but how can you ever be certain? Jungle Jane has assumed Omar's spot. The reason for this change is that Omar, while I loved him, has not posted in what seems like months.


This is my grandmother. She turned 99 years old this year.

My first memories of my grandmother were from about the time I was 4 or 5 years old. After my grandpa retired from his job at Quaker Oats (for more information on Quaker Oats, corn sweeteners and Cedar Rapids generally - go here: CEDAR RAPIDS ) my grandparents moved into an apartment above a local funeral home. My grandpa worked there part time; he drove the hearse, did general maintenance and other little odds and ends around the funeral home. My grandma provided hostess duties from time to time.

We went and visited them at this old "Victorian" house, turned into funeral parlor frequently. I call it Victorian because I am not quite certain how else to describe it. It is now a restaurant - the actual house is shown to the right - would you call that Victorian?

In any event, this house has two full stories and one of the biggest, creepiest attics that you could ever imagine. They kept caskets in the attic. To get the caskets from the attic downstairs, they had this ancient service elevator. The elevator also went down into the basement - which is where the actually did the preparation of bodies for the funeral. The button to call the elevator had a crescent moon on its face. Coupled with the creepy attic and the funeral home, this was frightening as a child. Nevertheless, it was like a second home for us.

When my father passed away, this is where the funeral took place and this is where we stayed for the entire week. We were upstairs, he was downstairs.

My grandpa was a warm and loving man with a giant belly. I loved to sit on his lap and watch television or read books. One of my favorite pictures was me sitting on his lap holding the windup toy train that I got for Christmas. He used to chew Copenhagen and gave some to my dog once - making the dog sneeze. I thought it was funny. He also used to give me Pep-o-Mint Lifesavers. I found out later (when I was in my early teens) that he kept the Pep-o-Mint Lifesavers on him to cover up the beer odor on his breath. He didn't drink much - just a beer or two every now and then - but apparently that would set Grandma off. Usually he would do a run to the grocery store to pick up a couple of things and then would stop off at a little hole in the wall bar called the "Bungalow." Every once in a while, we would see his car there when we would drive by. I loved that about him; I loved him. He died when I was 13 and I miss him every day.

My grandma was a very sharp and bright woman. I think she would have gone a very long way had she been born in a later generation. Women just didn't have the same opportunities then that they do now. But she was a smart as a whip and she never stopped wanting to learn new things. When she was in her late 70s and early 80s she was taking classes at the local community college on different topics. When I look around at the rest of my family, I know that I inherited my desire to learn from her. Thank you Grandma.

Whenever we would go over to her house, she loved to play games. We played Scrabble often. She also had this history trivia card game (way before Trivial Pursuit came out) that we used to play. I ended up getting a B.A. in history later in life and I can't help but wonder whether these games sent me down that path. She was never warm and affectionate in a physical way like my grandpa; she showed that she cared in a different way.

My grandma had been living with my mom for the last ten or twelve years. Earlier this year they had to move her into a nursing home because it was just too much for my mother to handle anymore. As I mentioned above, she is 99 now. When I saw her at Christmas, she didn't know who I was.

I know that my grandma will never read this, but I hope that she knows how much she has meant to me during my lifetime. I'm not certain that I will ever get to see her alive again and even if I do, it isn't Grandma anymore.

If there is an afterlife, I know Grandpa is getting his Pep-o-Mint Lifesavers ready for her.

Friday, January 06, 2006

God's Diabolical Plan To Smite Sharon Thwarted

Don't Bring That Week-Ass Smiting Action In My House!!

God's attempt to smite Sharon fell short today when doctors provided medical procedures to save his life. He is showing improvement and it is my hope his first words when he regains consciousness will be "FUCK YOU PAT ROBERTSON!"

Apparently Born to Flock is Being BOYCOTTED

From time to time, we all run into dipshits out in blogland. I am somewhat vocal (I guess) and I draw in my fair share of those types. One of these guys stands out and irritates me almost as much as Tidy Bowl. Since I have dealt with that topic previously, I will move on to the next blog-ruffian - Hairy Prison Guard.

This guy has apparently spent one too many days in solitary confinement. My guess is that he is some sort of a red-neck, inbred bumpkin (ie Tidy's brother and husband) that got his jollies out of exerting his will over those in confinement. Now he thinks he can punk me like he did those prisoners under his watch. Tidy and Hairy seem to share the same opinions - I can't help but wonder whether they know each other.

I will not soon be sharing a shower facility with you Hairy. If you do not like the subject matter here, perhaps you should move on. I will share the same response with you that I shared with my good friend (whom I like to talk about incessently) Drea. That is as follows:

"This is my blog. There are many blogs like it, but this one is mine.

"My blog is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

"My blog, without me, is useless. Without my blog, I am useless. I must fire my blog true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I WILL...

"My blog and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. WE WILL HIT...

"My blog is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my blog clean and ready. We will become part of each other. WE WILL...

"Before God, I swear this creed. My blog and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. WE ARE THE SAVIORS OF MY LIFE. So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but peace! "

Tidy (I know you still read my blog as a guilty pleasure), please note the non-traditional use of the quotation marks. To buck tradition one step further, I am also quoting myself (which such quote was, of course, ripped off from the Marine Corps).

Unlike Tidy, I interject some original thought with my thievery.

I encourage Hairy and Tidy to continue their BOYCOTT. Drea can stick around since she has a giant hard-on for me and wants me to butter her muffin.

Confidential to Hairy - a BOYCOTT is when you stop purchasing a product or service in order to exert your political or personal agenda on someone. That would mandate that you actually stop coming here and leaving me comments. Please start BOYCOTTING me the correct way.

Confidential to everyone else - I declare a reverse BOYCOTT on Hairy. I have added his link back to my Blogs of Note. Feel free to go there and tell him what you think about him and his "blog."

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Enough Muffin Butterin' Let's Talk About Atheists

Link to Atheist Ten Commandments

I am not an Atheist. I have never claimed to be an Atheist. I did find this interesting.

I am certain that this is simply Satan's way of separating us from knowing Jesus...so Tidy should steer clear of it. It may result in thought, which, as we all know, leads us to question what we know and what we believe. It could lead to doubt which starts with "d" (as does damnation).

Anyway, what I find interesting about these Ten Commandments is that they are generally reasonable positions. How can you demonize a human being that follows these ten simple rules? How can you ostracize Atheists?

Anyone want to set the over-under on how many responses start with "Well, the Bible says..."?

Meanwhile...back at the ranch:

Link to: Hi, My name is Pat Robertson and I am an idiot

Whose philosophy is more "Christian"???

Exceptions to the Hearsay Rule

Link to Hearsay video

To all of my attorney friends, friends in law school or friends studying for a bar exam anywhere in the United States...I share with you this link that is guaranteed to assist you with any Evidence or Civil Procedure question that comes up.

I would call this "Lawschoolhouse Rock"


Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Swirling Around The Tidy Bowl

I am embarrassed to say that I fell into the Tidy Bowl trap today. After reviewing a lengthy series of "analyses" made by Tidy to prove the truth of the biography of Jesus, I was compelled to comment on a comment left by Drea (yes, the double whammy).

While responding to Drea's comment, I questioned why Ms. Bowl was starting each and every paragraph with a quotation mark without an ending quotation mark. As it turns out, her entire blog entry was ripped off from a religious journal. The punctuation, as it turns out, was acceptable although one would typically offset the entire quote in a written treatise in a more traditional style - had the writer included any of her own ideas. I was lambasted by Tidy for not having a grasp of English and proper grammar.

My favorite moment in Tidy's response to me (other than the attack on my knowledge of the English language) was when she questioned my observation of water forming into a solid matrix at freezing temperatures - her claim being that I just accept this without observing it...just like Tidy and Drea accept god without seeing god. When I attempted to respond, my comments went into cyberspace for screening, possibly. It is also possible that my comments simply went into cyberspace forever.

I have read ranting and raving by others around blogland who warned me to stay away from this blog. I had never been there prior to this week (at least as far as I can recall). It was awful. I am still shaken up by the experience.

I fear that Tidy Bowl is the Borg and we will all be assimilated.

I came back to edit this one more time to emphasize the fact that Tidy Bowl is censoring who can and cannot leave messages on her blog. The comments actually appear to go through some sort of a screening process. If I could do that to block only Tidy Bowl, I would - but I do not want to otherwise chill the interesting and intelligent exchange of ideas. Perhaps if she did not censor the information coming in, Tidy might learn something about the physical and chemical properties of the universe that would permit something as strange as evolution to occur. But as Drea said, "Creation is the only logical explanation."

Welcome and Good Bye

I lost Femi since she moved, so I had to say good-bye to Femi from BLOGS OF NOTE.

I have given MsAmber that spot. Please welcome MsAmber to BLOGS OF NOTE.

I also had to replace Storm...with Ranando. Please welcome Ranando to BLOGS OF NOTE.

The Planning Stages

Each year for the past 4 years, three of my very best friends in the world come down to Arizona from Iowa for a visit. Randy and I have known each other since 2nd grade. I have been friends with David since 4th grade and Dean since 5th Grade.

Our annual trip happens each year right around St. Patrick's day. So today, I spent a few minutes on the phone planning this year's "adventure."

Year One - we spent 4 days in Vegas - WAAAAAYYYY to much time to spend in Vegas! But we had a blast. Drunken debauchery at the world's capitol for drunken debauchery. A great place to start the tradition.

Year Two through Year 4 - we spent 4 days in Rocky Point (Puerto Penasco), Mexico. Rocky Point is on the Sea of Cortez at the northernmost tip. It is approximately a 3 1/2 hour drive from Phoenix. This is sort of the anti-Vegas in many ways, yet still includes much drunken debauchery. It is sort of a poor-man's Cabo San Lucas.

Two years ago, 6 of us rented this house...

It wasn't as expensive as you might first think. It cost us each about $75/night. It was right on the beach.

We stock up on groceries before we leave the U.S. including some nice thick steaks! When we hit Mexico, we load up on cases of Pacifico, Corona and Dos Equis (the year we stayed here, we drank over 300 bottles of beer between the 6 of us. I think I figured out that it averaged 16 beers for each 24 hour period per person - all consumed on the patio of this house overlooking the Sea of Cortez. Nothing better than being comfortably numb in paradise.

So, moments ago, I hung up the phone after a conversation with my friend Dave - we are trying to put together this year's trip. Considering a return to Rocky Point - but leaving our options open.

I want to hike the Grand Canyon...but I don't think that is going to happen. They think I am nuts.

I said it before at Erin's site
Bunch-o-Erin ...I want my last words to be "Damn that was fun!"

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Holiday Times Have Been Busy Times

I have been horribly delinquent in making blog entries. The holidays have sapped every ounce of strength I possess - not to mention most of the dollars that I used to possess.

Accordingly, I have opted NOT to become Erin's soul mate. I took the cash equivalent of the Mini-Cooper lease. I had to make the following decision...

1. Take a Mini-Cooper for two years, pay significantly more insurance, tax, title, etc. and then give it back. OR
2. Take cash and keep it forever.

I liked the second option better. It didn't cost me anything except the use of a car...I have a car.

Not only did I have to survive Christmas (including the luxurious trip to Cedar Rapids), New Years and all of the craziness surrounding these holidays, but it was also my wife's 40th birthday on January 1!

We celebrated, but we kept it small. Instead we decided that we would celebrate BIG in March. I haven't decided exactly how to celebrate it yet, but I have a few ideas!!

If you have any good ideas, I welcome your input. I am still thinking about one of those 4 day Baja Mexico cruises - Los Angeles, Catalina Island, Ensenada Mexico and then Back to Los Angeles.
I think she would like that.

Anyway, life is beginning to return to normal. Holidays are behind us. Tax time is quickly coming upon us.